Today, I am reminded of how undeserving I am. I am selfish, prideful, inconsiderate. How i will make the same mistakes over and over, and disregard the beckoning of the Lord. I am a paralyzed woman holding onto my mat... so comfortable with my sickness. Jesus walks by me and asks if I want to be healed, and I say... "actually, i'm pretty comfortable on my mat."
I have created a prison for myself (by myself) , the stench is getting so putrid....and the keys are being dangled in front of me, yet i would rather breath this stench in than let the fresh air fill my lungs. The prison is comfortable because i now it's turns and predictable because i laid it's foundation. Yet, inside me, I know this isn't my home. Although, it is by choice I remain here.
In spite of this, He pursues me in my prison and places people in my life to communicate there is a better way to live. They tell me of a place where flowers bloom and Freedom is found. They say that all people are welcome to come and play and dance. They say that it can take years for someone to fully arrive at Freedom... but you have to take the steps yourself to get there. They say no one forces you to go, and you can stay as long as you want. Some people get to Freedom, and then return to their prisons. Some come back. They say that you don't need papers or references to get into Freedom, and you can't earn an invitation. They say it's beautiful, and it was all His idea.
They say that others are out to distort the reputation of Freedom. These others create lies about Freedom, saying that it isn't as good as the prison. They say you have to be rewarded a ticket, and I could never deserve it. They say that the journey is too hard and long for anyone to reach. They say that He really wants to control those that live in Freedom, and I'd have much more say in my prison. They say that Freedom can be a scary place because the people that are there can hurt you and so can He. They say He really isn't good and He is trying to trick us out of our prisons.
I think the others are liars.
I think my prison is beginning to stink.
I think He does love me and has made a place for me in Freedom.
....then why do I cling to my prison??????????????
1 comment:
"simple answer" -- control is "better" than trust, independence is "better" than dependence. Is it about safety for your devices to stay in control, or danger to be free? Check out the dwarves as portrayed at the end of "The Last Battle" in the Chronicles of Narnia. Check your email for the dialogue....
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