friends,
you may know that this semester i have been consumed with research for my thesis about love. with curiosity, i approached this subject, eager to learn any and everything i could about love. i did this so that i would be more empowered to love others that are placed on my path on my journey through life. i researched many books and studied many theories. i also interviewed over forty-five individuals, ages ranging young to old, christians, atheists, married couples, students, poets, singers and songwriters. i am forever thankful for them, and some of you, sharing a bit of their hearts with me, and i will cherish those encounters.
these interviews opened up an incredible dialogue on the intangible idea of love, and i hope that i can create a platform for individuals to express these ideas. certain opportunities have now risen for that to become even more possible, and i am excited about the possibility.
below is a link to a short video i made that reflects some of the expressions i have come across. if you were interviewed and did not make it on the video, i may be using your interview for something else that will be quite compelling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKEHTPxvfDU
if you haven't been interviewed, and would like to, please let me know. i really enjoy learning more about others and more about love, too. it would be quite swell to ellaborate even further on some of these ideas i have fashioned.
thank you for your constant support with me. enjoy the video. and i will keep you updated on further developments on this project.
yours,
melanie ann
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
mere melodies.
Ladies and Gents,
Been a long time coming, but I recently recorded my first song for my album Huckleberry Lullaby. The song is entitle Hidden Heart, and I hope it tickles your eardrums in a most delightful way. You can find it on http://www.myspace.com/melanieannabelle . I have been writing songs for the past couple of years, and well, I'd like to share some with you. I have never felt fully comfortable with promoting myself, or my music... so I am just going to look at this an opportunity to get to know eachother a bit better. Most things that I can't articulate eloquently, I write songs about. I write of love, pain, triumph, joy, and my experience. Perhaps you too, have experienced something similar, and a greater understanding between us will grow. Someone wise once said to 'know' a person is to love a person, and my cheif aim is to love.
With that being said...
http://www.myspace.com/melanieannabelle
If you like what you hear, that's wonderful. If you don't thats wonderful, too. I create music not to get approval, but instead... to grasp the intangibles.
Yours,
melanie ann
Been a long time coming, but I recently recorded my first song for my album Huckleberry Lullaby. The song is entitle Hidden Heart, and I hope it tickles your eardrums in a most delightful way. You can find it on http://www.myspace.com/melanieannabelle . I have been writing songs for the past couple of years, and well, I'd like to share some with you. I have never felt fully comfortable with promoting myself, or my music... so I am just going to look at this an opportunity to get to know eachother a bit better. Most things that I can't articulate eloquently, I write songs about. I write of love, pain, triumph, joy, and my experience. Perhaps you too, have experienced something similar, and a greater understanding between us will grow. Someone wise once said to 'know' a person is to love a person, and my cheif aim is to love.
With that being said...
http://www.myspace.com/melanieannabelle
If you like what you hear, that's wonderful. If you don't thats wonderful, too. I create music not to get approval, but instead... to grasp the intangibles.
Yours,
melanie ann
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Shanah Tovah
I have done an incredibly poor job at posting frequently on this since moving to Denver. Though, the social and academic demands here have rendered me unavailable to update this blog. My apologies. It truly has been a wonderful journey coming back to the Mile-High city.Some things picked up exactly where I have left them, and others have utterly been lost. All is well, the memories will not fade. I have met some beautiful new friends (kaitlyn, stephanie, sammie, alyssa, hannah, sara) and also reestablished community with my previous relationships, as well... at least some of them.
My course load at the university keeps me occupied, but delightfully so. I spend many hours surrounded by inviting books in our library and also in crowded coffee houses. The favorite course I am taking is Integration of Psychology and Theology. My professor gives us much freedom in the class to dive into what is interesting to us as individuals, although she expects hardwork to couple with our creativity. We were prompted to create a thesis for the class which is worth the majority of our grade. After careful consideration, I chose to write my thesis on love. I am so intrigued by this word. Perhaps, I always have been. Its allusive nature creates quite the mystery to me. As Christians, the Lord calls us to love Him, love others. He constantly uses the word love in scripture as an action. If this is the greatest commandment, how does it transpire purely? How can we acheive this? Is it even within reach? My inductive research will include thorough studies of books and theories of love, first hand interviews which will be filmed, and articles, too. I really want to acheive not only a scholarly answer to the discussion of love, but an answer that strives to grasp the intangible idea that is love that is so closely related to our need for love. Not just romantic, either. I heard someone once say that an artist's work is the expression of his natural instict to grasp what isn't tangible. This is my aim. I approach this thesis in the utmost respectable and delicate manner. This thing, that makes the world go round, how can we define, show, and appreciate it? Or can we at all. Anyways, I'm really excited.
Bible studies have begun, community dinners have taken place, and much laughter has warmed my soul. Concerts have been enjoyed, churches have filled, and passion has pushed my stride forward. I have been intellectually stimulated, yet not quite satisfied. My thirst for knowledge of the intangibles like love, joy, freedom, and peace has once again come to the surface. Music is the only comfort to my wrestling heart. Treasure House has welcomed me as a volunteer, where I've started babysitting again. New, beautiful women and children occupy the home, each so uniquely delightful to me. I have no notion as to what they will teach me this year, but I'm ready to assume my rightful position as student, and experience their stories with open ears.
According to the Jewish calendar, today marks the beginning of the New Year. "Shanah Tovah" means Happy New Year in Hebrew. Last night, I hosted a quiet shabbat dinner with Kailey and Kellie. There was singing, praying, and much pondering. What will the new year bring? Which relationships will strengthen or wither. Which adventures will we go on? The clock ticks and only it will tell me the story of what this year brings. Unfortunately, I lost my watch. I will look to the stars, instead.
melanie
My course load at the university keeps me occupied, but delightfully so. I spend many hours surrounded by inviting books in our library and also in crowded coffee houses. The favorite course I am taking is Integration of Psychology and Theology. My professor gives us much freedom in the class to dive into what is interesting to us as individuals, although she expects hardwork to couple with our creativity. We were prompted to create a thesis for the class which is worth the majority of our grade. After careful consideration, I chose to write my thesis on love. I am so intrigued by this word. Perhaps, I always have been. Its allusive nature creates quite the mystery to me. As Christians, the Lord calls us to love Him, love others. He constantly uses the word love in scripture as an action. If this is the greatest commandment, how does it transpire purely? How can we acheive this? Is it even within reach? My inductive research will include thorough studies of books and theories of love, first hand interviews which will be filmed, and articles, too. I really want to acheive not only a scholarly answer to the discussion of love, but an answer that strives to grasp the intangible idea that is love that is so closely related to our need for love. Not just romantic, either. I heard someone once say that an artist's work is the expression of his natural instict to grasp what isn't tangible. This is my aim. I approach this thesis in the utmost respectable and delicate manner. This thing, that makes the world go round, how can we define, show, and appreciate it? Or can we at all. Anyways, I'm really excited.
Bible studies have begun, community dinners have taken place, and much laughter has warmed my soul. Concerts have been enjoyed, churches have filled, and passion has pushed my stride forward. I have been intellectually stimulated, yet not quite satisfied. My thirst for knowledge of the intangibles like love, joy, freedom, and peace has once again come to the surface. Music is the only comfort to my wrestling heart. Treasure House has welcomed me as a volunteer, where I've started babysitting again. New, beautiful women and children occupy the home, each so uniquely delightful to me. I have no notion as to what they will teach me this year, but I'm ready to assume my rightful position as student, and experience their stories with open ears.
According to the Jewish calendar, today marks the beginning of the New Year. "Shanah Tovah" means Happy New Year in Hebrew. Last night, I hosted a quiet shabbat dinner with Kailey and Kellie. There was singing, praying, and much pondering. What will the new year bring? Which relationships will strengthen or wither. Which adventures will we go on? The clock ticks and only it will tell me the story of what this year brings. Unfortunately, I lost my watch. I will look to the stars, instead.
melanie
Friday, July 31, 2009
Pursuit
God is interested in the condition of our souls, not the fact that we adhere to a certain set of rules.
Voddie Bauchum said, "God is not after a people who will tie themselves up in legalistic knots so that they merely do not carry out on the outside what they truly are in their souls." Dang.
See, its not the fact that we obstain from sex, murder, etc. It's about the pursuit of pure things. The pursuit of peace, joy, love. Its about the observance of patience and justice. It's about having a praise-filled speech, and an encouragement to others. It is about alligning our desires with that of the Lord. What he is about, I want to be about.
I think all of this has probably been said before, but it's what I need to hear right now. My affections toward the Lord need to be realligned. I lay down my idols... there are many. I want to know You more. I am so sorry I have put other things before you.
I am in pursuit. watch out.
Voddie Bauchum said, "God is not after a people who will tie themselves up in legalistic knots so that they merely do not carry out on the outside what they truly are in their souls." Dang.
See, its not the fact that we obstain from sex, murder, etc. It's about the pursuit of pure things. The pursuit of peace, joy, love. Its about the observance of patience and justice. It's about having a praise-filled speech, and an encouragement to others. It is about alligning our desires with that of the Lord. What he is about, I want to be about.
I think all of this has probably been said before, but it's what I need to hear right now. My affections toward the Lord need to be realligned. I lay down my idols... there are many. I want to know You more. I am so sorry I have put other things before you.
I am in pursuit. watch out.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Calloused Hands
If you search my family history, you will find a farmer whose crops lasted through the great depression. You will find a woman that treated illnesses that threatened her tribe of the Navajos. If you search, you will find a famous piano player and harpist. You will find an entrepreneur and a baker. If you search my family history what you will not find is a college graduate. Ever since I can remember, my mother and father have told me how important it is to go to college. How they wish they had the opportunities I have been given so that they could get a degree.
I would never say that everyone needs to go to college to be happy, or successful. That completely depends on what your definition of those terms are. I will, however, say that the lord expects us to be good stewards of the talent he has given each one of us. Be it academically, musically, socially, or monetarily. He wants us to reap a plentiful harvest with calloused hands and sun kissed skin saying we did as much as we could with everything we were given.
I am about to enter my second year of college. I am a year behind of where I should be, but hopefully my maturity in other areas of my life, will somehow balance this out. After all, I didn't spend this past year twiddling my thumbs and building sandcastles... only to be washed away with the increasing of the tides. This next year will be incredible. I can feel it. That feeling you get on Christmas morning when you are opening presents. that one present, for some reason, tucked away in the corner, you just know it will rock our face off. That's exactly how I feel about this year. I got my scholarship award letter a couple of days ago. The Lord is entrusting me with a chunk of change, and I really want to be a good steward of that. I want to learn everything I can from my professors and peers. I want to read every page I am given. I want to struggle and wrestle with the text. I don't want to wait til the last minute to start a paper. I want to have intentional community with my roommates and friends. I want to be able to look back and have no regrets. I want to walk with the Lord boldly. I want to love others deeply. not just romantically. What an adventure this next season holds.
Bring it on.
I would never say that everyone needs to go to college to be happy, or successful. That completely depends on what your definition of those terms are. I will, however, say that the lord expects us to be good stewards of the talent he has given each one of us. Be it academically, musically, socially, or monetarily. He wants us to reap a plentiful harvest with calloused hands and sun kissed skin saying we did as much as we could with everything we were given.
I am about to enter my second year of college. I am a year behind of where I should be, but hopefully my maturity in other areas of my life, will somehow balance this out. After all, I didn't spend this past year twiddling my thumbs and building sandcastles... only to be washed away with the increasing of the tides. This next year will be incredible. I can feel it. That feeling you get on Christmas morning when you are opening presents. that one present, for some reason, tucked away in the corner, you just know it will rock our face off. That's exactly how I feel about this year. I got my scholarship award letter a couple of days ago. The Lord is entrusting me with a chunk of change, and I really want to be a good steward of that. I want to learn everything I can from my professors and peers. I want to read every page I am given. I want to struggle and wrestle with the text. I don't want to wait til the last minute to start a paper. I want to have intentional community with my roommates and friends. I want to be able to look back and have no regrets. I want to walk with the Lord boldly. I want to love others deeply. not just romantically. What an adventure this next season holds.
Bring it on.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen
There was once a time when gentlemen opened doors for gentle, delicate and demure ladies dressed in modest attire. The would giggle softly and establish a sense of propriety in both public and private exchanges with one another. Chairs were pulled out at the dinner table and handwritten letters linked lovers with distance between them. Promises about forever were kept.
Now, women dressed suggestively make advances to men in dimly lit venues. They press their bodies against one another while being photographed for the latest promotion displaying "ideal nightlife." They may go home with each other that first night, they may not. It can be sure, though, that when he gets home he will find her on some social networking site, and most of their communication will happen there. If it does grow into something more serious, don't worry, the ball and chain can be removed simply with little to no consequence. After all, you just don't love her like you used to right? Or things have changed beween the both of you? Or you think you may have married the wrong girl?
Today when bachelors meet women with and standards at all, we are regarded too picky. Therefore, many girls are forced to lower their standards, but in the back of their mind they realize they should be treated with more respect.
Well, I do declare, that I am a lady. Your coarse language and vulgar catcalls do not make me swoon. Your respect towards other women, -including your mother-, and me is much appreciated and will not go unnoticed. Your courage to ask for my telephone number and not my screen name is not not overlooked. You are welcomed to ...for once... be a man, step up and treat women like ladies, they are to be treasured and cherished.
And for the ladies, encourage. encourage. encourage. Gentlemen value a lady's encouragement.
"A wife of noble character who can find?She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." Proverbs 31:10
-miss melanie ann
Now, women dressed suggestively make advances to men in dimly lit venues. They press their bodies against one another while being photographed for the latest promotion displaying "ideal nightlife." They may go home with each other that first night, they may not. It can be sure, though, that when he gets home he will find her on some social networking site, and most of their communication will happen there. If it does grow into something more serious, don't worry, the ball and chain can be removed simply with little to no consequence. After all, you just don't love her like you used to right? Or things have changed beween the both of you? Or you think you may have married the wrong girl?
Today when bachelors meet women with and standards at all, we are regarded too picky. Therefore, many girls are forced to lower their standards, but in the back of their mind they realize they should be treated with more respect.
Well, I do declare, that I am a lady. Your coarse language and vulgar catcalls do not make me swoon. Your respect towards other women, -including your mother-, and me is much appreciated and will not go unnoticed. Your courage to ask for my telephone number and not my screen name is not not overlooked. You are welcomed to ...for once... be a man, step up and treat women like ladies, they are to be treasured and cherished.
And for the ladies, encourage. encourage. encourage. Gentlemen value a lady's encouragement.
"A wife of noble character who can find?She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." Proverbs 31:10
-miss melanie ann
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Cornerstone
Got back from Cornerstone two days ago, and I still don't feel completely back to normal. Ill go into more detail in another post, but here is what sums up the past week.
1. my ride deciding to go home the day we got there. :/
2. 3 spider bites that got first aid attention
3. unsuccessfuly catching a frog
4. incredible music, and some not so credible music.
5. megaphones, band promotion and pick-up lines
6. sun, rain, dust, mud
7. forgiveness finally
8. not being able to find my tent for an hour after a late night potty break
9. sunburn
10. fun reunions
Here is a video to hold you over until i post something again.
1. my ride deciding to go home the day we got there. :/
2. 3 spider bites that got first aid attention
3. unsuccessfuly catching a frog
4. incredible music, and some not so credible music.
5. megaphones, band promotion and pick-up lines
6. sun, rain, dust, mud
7. forgiveness finally
8. not being able to find my tent for an hour after a late night potty break
9. sunburn
10. fun reunions
Here is a video to hold you over until i post something again.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
enjoy
these verses have given me hope through the hard times.
"A father to the fatherless,
defender to the widows, is
God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families,
He leads forth the prisoners with singing."
psalm 68:5-6
today I was reading scripture on my back porch...listening to birds and insects. you are so creative, god. thank you for giving me this place to enjoy, for that I will be joyful! you are so evident in creation to me. you provide in so many ways. even when my father wasn't Abba was. You are sooooooo good Lord.
---fun fact...snails can sleep for three years
"A father to the fatherless,
defender to the widows, is
God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families,
He leads forth the prisoners with singing."
psalm 68:5-6
today I was reading scripture on my back porch...listening to birds and insects. you are so creative, god. thank you for giving me this place to enjoy, for that I will be joyful! you are so evident in creation to me. you provide in so many ways. even when my father wasn't Abba was. You are sooooooo good Lord.
---fun fact...snails can sleep for three years
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Harlot Bride
dark but lovely
through my shadows you shine
you call me yours but your Love I denied
I am the Harlot
that You call a bride
(excerpt from one of my latest song/poems)
Life isn't always fair. People don't always get what they deserve. I sure haven't... instead I got grace. I am ever thankful for it. It has birthed freedom in me that I wouldn't have known otherwise. Free to do as I please, and yet, all I yearn to do is praise you. with my life. with my time. with me lips. with every fiber of me. Thank you.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Broken and Lovely
Been thinking about this thing we call brokenness lately. I've heard that if I bring all my stuff, all my bad habits, all my sin, the ugliest things going on in my life and lay them at the feet of my savior ... all is forgiven. Everything made new. My slate is wiped clean and I am transformed and restored because of grace.
What they don't tell you in Sunday school is that broken feeling that leads you to your knees at his feet, doesn't just leave. I became a christian my junior year in higschool. I am still broken by some of decisions I made before I surrendered my life to my Father. You might say, "But, you aren't who you were anymore." I don't agree. I am. I am filthy, unclean and undeserving of the mercy my Abba pours out over me. I never want to forget how incredibly loving Jesus is, for in my wrongs and shortcomings, he still loved me, and loves me still today..no less, no more.
The blessing of brokenness is undeniable. It was the brokenness of the the sinful woman that allowed her to pour her perfume out on Jesus' feet and bathe them with her tears and hair. It is brokenness that reminds me the destructiveness of my sin. It is brokenness that allows me to cry out and recognize, not by my strength... but His. Brokenness allows me to never develop a prideful heart when speaking with others... I am not better than anyone else, no matter race, creed, circumstance, or their shortcomings. And most importantly it is Jesus' body BROKEN before us that allows me to live in Him.
The incredible things about it all is in our brokeness, god still thinks we are lovely in His sight.
No matter what you've done.
No matter what you continue to do.
No matter who you have hurt.
No matter the promises you broke.
No matter the lies you have told.
No matter how filthy you feel.
You are simply lovely in his sight. One of the best pictures I have seen about this concept of brokenness, is in this song called "Your Heart is Broken" by Bradley Hathaway. Have a listen. And yep, that's me on the right of him. The song has quickly become an anthem for me and a few people I know.
What they don't tell you in Sunday school is that broken feeling that leads you to your knees at his feet, doesn't just leave. I became a christian my junior year in higschool. I am still broken by some of decisions I made before I surrendered my life to my Father. You might say, "But, you aren't who you were anymore." I don't agree. I am. I am filthy, unclean and undeserving of the mercy my Abba pours out over me. I never want to forget how incredibly loving Jesus is, for in my wrongs and shortcomings, he still loved me, and loves me still today..no less, no more.
The blessing of brokenness is undeniable. It was the brokenness of the the sinful woman that allowed her to pour her perfume out on Jesus' feet and bathe them with her tears and hair. It is brokenness that reminds me the destructiveness of my sin. It is brokenness that allows me to cry out and recognize, not by my strength... but His. Brokenness allows me to never develop a prideful heart when speaking with others... I am not better than anyone else, no matter race, creed, circumstance, or their shortcomings. And most importantly it is Jesus' body BROKEN before us that allows me to live in Him.
The incredible things about it all is in our brokeness, god still thinks we are lovely in His sight.
No matter what you've done.
No matter what you continue to do.
No matter who you have hurt.
No matter the promises you broke.
No matter the lies you have told.
No matter how filthy you feel.
You are simply lovely in his sight. One of the best pictures I have seen about this concept of brokenness, is in this song called "Your Heart is Broken" by Bradley Hathaway. Have a listen. And yep, that's me on the right of him. The song has quickly become an anthem for me and a few people I know.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
glad i didn't die before i met you
can't sleep, but also cannot think in complete thoughts...so here goes.
mewithoutyou was incredible on tuesday.
made a couple new friends downtown named David and Sirdaddy.:)
learned its a really great idea to carry peanut butter and jelly in my pack with a loaf of broad. you know, just in case.
house church has been wonderful, and im loving my d-group.
thinking of selling my car and saving for a tour van.(my mom does not think this is a good idea)
can't beleive im moving to colorado in like two months.
if you are having a bad day, watch this... actually just watch this anyway. it was my jam freshman year, and still makes me smile :o)
">
mewithoutyou was incredible on tuesday.
made a couple new friends downtown named David and Sirdaddy.:)
learned its a really great idea to carry peanut butter and jelly in my pack with a loaf of broad. you know, just in case.
house church has been wonderful, and im loving my d-group.
thinking of selling my car and saving for a tour van.(my mom does not think this is a good idea)
can't beleive im moving to colorado in like two months.
if you are having a bad day, watch this... actually just watch this anyway. it was my jam freshman year, and still makes me smile :o)
">
Monday, June 8, 2009
you
I want to learn how to knit. So that when you get cold I can knit you a new pair of socks and a beautiful scarf. I want to learn how to bake a pie from scratch. So that every holiday, I can bring you my special dessert. I want to know where the prettiest flowers bloom. So I can put a bouquet together for you. I wish I knew of all your dreams. So I can encourage you along the way. I wish for you.
"Do not arouse or awaken lov until it so desires" - Song of solomon.
fight for me.
"Do not arouse or awaken lov until it so desires" - Song of solomon.
fight for me.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Here and Now
I am what you might call one that hopes. I hope for world peace, for releasing of those in the sex trade, and the empowerment of those whose home is on the streets. Single mothers, and men struggling with addictions... I hope for them to overcome. I hope for those in poverty, and those stricken with sickness. I hope for the beaten down and abused, the mistreated, the defeated. I hope for the lonely and the unsatisfied.
I am just one woman. I know that I cannot make all things right or make sense. I have tried with zeal to bring justice to a handful of causes. I have failed over and over.
I moved to Atlanta with the big idea of stopping child sex-traficking here. Moved to Portland to love on the homeless youth that fill the streets.
Humbly, I say this... It's not about the good I have done or the causes I have fought for- or an ambiguous idea I have for the world and the people in it I haven't met. I have realized that it's about loving in my immediate sphere of influence. It's about looking at my father, who has let me down time and time again, and saying I love you, I forgive you. It's about respecting my step-father's Jewish beliefs even though we don't always see eye to eye. Its about listening, really listening to my friends. It's about all those people that dismiss and walk by so easily everday, while I proudly sport my Toms shoes for a child I have never met.
i want to love, not just the people I don't know, but the ones I do. The ones that I know all the crap they have done, all their dreams, and all their talents...here and now.
really, it just ain't about me.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Amigas
I am going to miss my friends. Haylie is off to Australia, Logan off to Estonia... me off to Colorado.
I'll hold on to these memories till we meet again.
Lo, Hays... One of these pictures is the worst picure taken of the three of us EVER. Try and pick it out. :)
I'll hold on to these memories till we meet again.
Lo, Hays... One of these pictures is the worst picure taken of the three of us EVER. Try and pick it out. :)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
When I grow up
so.. i sold my first painting today. it's so weird. but i thought i would write it on this thing because it seems like some sort of milestone. Not cause of the money received, but that someone connected with something that I created so much that they want it to hang in their home.
I feel like I put a little peice of myself in each one of my paintings and songs. So it's neat to know that someone out there feels the same way... just "gets" what I am feeling. This world is small, and I think we are way more connected than we think we are.
I' working on my next painting and hopefuly someone else will connect with it in someway... if not, i still think its important to put it out there.
I also decided today that I don't think I could ever work a 9-5 job. I have to have some sort of creativity in my life, some form of art, be it painting, music, or prose. It just makes me come alive.
I'd rather be a starving artist, than a full conformist.
and.. ill end with this random fact. I love climbing trees. Ever since I was a little girl I would hide up in the tree in my front yard and sit for hours. I was devestated they had to cut it down. anyways... I'vebeen thinking about where I want to live when I have a home for myself... thought about a farm like my grandpa's, or a cabin in the mountains.. but have decided I want a treehouse.
I feel like I put a little peice of myself in each one of my paintings and songs. So it's neat to know that someone out there feels the same way... just "gets" what I am feeling. This world is small, and I think we are way more connected than we think we are.
I' working on my next painting and hopefuly someone else will connect with it in someway... if not, i still think its important to put it out there.
I also decided today that I don't think I could ever work a 9-5 job. I have to have some sort of creativity in my life, some form of art, be it painting, music, or prose. It just makes me come alive.
I'd rather be a starving artist, than a full conformist.
and.. ill end with this random fact. I love climbing trees. Ever since I was a little girl I would hide up in the tree in my front yard and sit for hours. I was devestated they had to cut it down. anyways... I'vebeen thinking about where I want to live when I have a home for myself... thought about a farm like my grandpa's, or a cabin in the mountains.. but have decided I want a treehouse.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Comfortable
It's official. I have hit an awkward stage. Nope, I didn't get braces, my voice does not squeak, and my skin is not covered in pimples. This is much worse: I'm completely comfortable being me, without the bangs and whistles.Let me explain...
When I was in highschool, things were different. I was loud, outgoing, and friendly. I guess I had moved around so much that I wanted people to know what I was about within the first five minutes of knowing me. I dated around quite a bit. Went to dances... your typical high school experience, I guess. I don't really know when things began to change for me.Maybe during my internship, maybe while in college, maybe the move back home. I really don't know.
So now, I'm awkward. In group settings, I barely speak. Not because I don't have an opinion. But because I know Johnny or Mary wants the floor at that time, and it means more to him and her than to me. So I sit back, listen, and with quiet, gentle words respond... if prompted, of course. It's really hard because in the South, or maybe it's Atlanta, people make their minds up about people so quickly. Not many people invest, or invest in others because they have made their mind up about that person already. It's really sad because everyone has a story. This incredible story with joy, pain, conflict, victory, and failure. But not many people get to experience or delight in that because they decided that he or she must not be worth their time because they aren't the wittiest, have the best twitter updates, drink soy lattes, or dress so trendy. Well, I guess I just realized I'd rather be kind than witty. I'd rather drink my isreali tea than coffee. I'd rather spend time in the moment than updating you about my moments. I'd rather shop thrift than designer. Everyone's different. I understand, this is just me. I don't want to offend anyone, that's not my intention this is about discovering myself... and realizing I'd rather be me than a counterfeit copy of someone else. Even if being me means not getting to hang out with all the right people, or saying all the right things.At least I will be true to myself in the process.
It does stink sometimes. I'm a really perceptive person, and I can tell when you are not interested in me or what I have to say. I know when you only come up to me because you're standing alone and you want to feel comfortable. I can see when you look past my shoulder to see if someone else cooler just walked in the room. I get it.
And with the whole dating thing...I've been told I'm too picky. Or that I need to "put myself out there" more. But honestly, I'm waiting for someone to TRULY pursue me, and PROTECT my heart.
*proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
*proverbs 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter,
But the glory of kings is to search out a matter
On that note, I am sorry I do not swoon because you make a funny joke, can play an instrument, and are charming. I don't need a man on my side to make me feel secure. I know my heart is a treasure, as is yours, and I'm protecting it for the man it belongs to. I'm just not easily amused... but that doesn't mean we can't be friends, right? ha.
I like who I am. AWKWARD. GENTLE. PROTECTIVE OF MY HEART. a bit SHY. BUT COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN.
When I was in highschool, things were different. I was loud, outgoing, and friendly. I guess I had moved around so much that I wanted people to know what I was about within the first five minutes of knowing me. I dated around quite a bit. Went to dances... your typical high school experience, I guess. I don't really know when things began to change for me.Maybe during my internship, maybe while in college, maybe the move back home. I really don't know.
So now, I'm awkward. In group settings, I barely speak. Not because I don't have an opinion. But because I know Johnny or Mary wants the floor at that time, and it means more to him and her than to me. So I sit back, listen, and with quiet, gentle words respond... if prompted, of course. It's really hard because in the South, or maybe it's Atlanta, people make their minds up about people so quickly. Not many people invest, or invest in others because they have made their mind up about that person already. It's really sad because everyone has a story. This incredible story with joy, pain, conflict, victory, and failure. But not many people get to experience or delight in that because they decided that he or she must not be worth their time because they aren't the wittiest, have the best twitter updates, drink soy lattes, or dress so trendy. Well, I guess I just realized I'd rather be kind than witty. I'd rather drink my isreali tea than coffee. I'd rather spend time in the moment than updating you about my moments. I'd rather shop thrift than designer. Everyone's different. I understand, this is just me. I don't want to offend anyone, that's not my intention this is about discovering myself... and realizing I'd rather be me than a counterfeit copy of someone else. Even if being me means not getting to hang out with all the right people, or saying all the right things.At least I will be true to myself in the process.
It does stink sometimes. I'm a really perceptive person, and I can tell when you are not interested in me or what I have to say. I know when you only come up to me because you're standing alone and you want to feel comfortable. I can see when you look past my shoulder to see if someone else cooler just walked in the room. I get it.
And with the whole dating thing...I've been told I'm too picky. Or that I need to "put myself out there" more. But honestly, I'm waiting for someone to TRULY pursue me, and PROTECT my heart.
*proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
*proverbs 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter,
But the glory of kings is to search out a matter
On that note, I am sorry I do not swoon because you make a funny joke, can play an instrument, and are charming. I don't need a man on my side to make me feel secure. I know my heart is a treasure, as is yours, and I'm protecting it for the man it belongs to. I'm just not easily amused... but that doesn't mean we can't be friends, right? ha.
I like who I am. AWKWARD. GENTLE. PROTECTIVE OF MY HEART. a bit SHY. BUT COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Burdens
So something happened this week but I know going into any detail via this blog would take away how much this thing meant to me, my family, and especially my beautiful mom. My family has learned a lot from the "thing" that took place. I will tell you that life is precious, never take a second for granted. Love your family and don't let the small stuff keep you from eachother. and when they need you, which one day they will no matter how bad they won't want to admit it, be there for them.
I'm bout to get all vulnerable on this thing... crazy how i feel comfortable sharing my feelings on this thing that anyone coud read. (not that anyone really takes the time to read mine other than ruth or logan. :) but eventhough I have learned quite a bit, I wish I could understand why this happened. I wish I knew why He let this happen. I wish He could just hold me. I wish I could know what to say when my mom asks what You are up to anyway. I wish the pain in my heavy heart would stop.
I know I am not alone in this. Everyone carries a burden. I thought about this while I was waiting in the hospital for my mom to get done with surgery. In the waiting room, I sat holding my precious baby brother Daniel. This doctor walked out, still in his surgery scrubs. He bolted towards this woman that was sitting alone behind me. His eyes were fully of worry and his mannerisms seemed tense. He said in a loud voice...
" We did the best we could do, but it spread into her bood vessels and it's not looking good at all. This is bad really bad. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. It just doesn't look good. there is nothing we can do. I am sorry."
My heart sank. I began to cry. I dropped my head trying to hide the tears as best I could so that she wouldn't see that I heard. I made eye contact with my sister, and she too wept. One of the attendants bolted over to the woman and gave her tissues, and comforted her as best she could. I didn't know what to do. I sat heavy-hearted in my seat and wondered how many times people got bad news in that hospital. I wondered who was this person to the woman. Then I just cried a bit more.
In scipture, He teaches that we as His followers are supposed to carry eachother's burdens. With this hidden in my heart, I knew what I was supposed to do. I prayed to receive it from her. everything... all of it. I beleive that I did.
Since that day, when I've seen a person looking down or worried, I've been asking to receive it from them, too. It hasn't made life easier. But has definitely made me more aware of the hurting, and the possibility of restoration and healing. I think we as daughters and sons are called to be compassionate and loving with people we meet along the way. My heart literally broke for this woman. I've never seen her in my life.
If you would have asked me what compassion was 4 years ago, I might be able to tell you. If you ask me now, I might be able to show you.crazy how my heart has changed, and keeps changing.
For anyone hurting:
You are precious. he has not forgotten or abandoned you. He is not punishing you, even though it might feel like it. I will hope alongside you in the struggle. it's okay to be broken. but above all...i am here for you. I don't have all the answers, there is a reason I hope, and His name is love. but right now, let me carry your burden and I will cast it at His feet. I pray for joy and peace to overflow on your wearied heart. I pray you will find rest.
I'm bout to get all vulnerable on this thing... crazy how i feel comfortable sharing my feelings on this thing that anyone coud read. (not that anyone really takes the time to read mine other than ruth or logan. :) but eventhough I have learned quite a bit, I wish I could understand why this happened. I wish I knew why He let this happen. I wish He could just hold me. I wish I could know what to say when my mom asks what You are up to anyway. I wish the pain in my heavy heart would stop.
I know I am not alone in this. Everyone carries a burden. I thought about this while I was waiting in the hospital for my mom to get done with surgery. In the waiting room, I sat holding my precious baby brother Daniel. This doctor walked out, still in his surgery scrubs. He bolted towards this woman that was sitting alone behind me. His eyes were fully of worry and his mannerisms seemed tense. He said in a loud voice...
" We did the best we could do, but it spread into her bood vessels and it's not looking good at all. This is bad really bad. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. It just doesn't look good. there is nothing we can do. I am sorry."
My heart sank. I began to cry. I dropped my head trying to hide the tears as best I could so that she wouldn't see that I heard. I made eye contact with my sister, and she too wept. One of the attendants bolted over to the woman and gave her tissues, and comforted her as best she could. I didn't know what to do. I sat heavy-hearted in my seat and wondered how many times people got bad news in that hospital. I wondered who was this person to the woman. Then I just cried a bit more.
In scipture, He teaches that we as His followers are supposed to carry eachother's burdens. With this hidden in my heart, I knew what I was supposed to do. I prayed to receive it from her. everything... all of it. I beleive that I did.
Since that day, when I've seen a person looking down or worried, I've been asking to receive it from them, too. It hasn't made life easier. But has definitely made me more aware of the hurting, and the possibility of restoration and healing. I think we as daughters and sons are called to be compassionate and loving with people we meet along the way. My heart literally broke for this woman. I've never seen her in my life.
If you would have asked me what compassion was 4 years ago, I might be able to tell you. If you ask me now, I might be able to show you.crazy how my heart has changed, and keeps changing.
For anyone hurting:
You are precious. he has not forgotten or abandoned you. He is not punishing you, even though it might feel like it. I will hope alongside you in the struggle. it's okay to be broken. but above all...i am here for you. I don't have all the answers, there is a reason I hope, and His name is love. but right now, let me carry your burden and I will cast it at His feet. I pray for joy and peace to overflow on your wearied heart. I pray you will find rest.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Blessed Be Your Name
Some things happen to a person and break their heart. Other things happen to them and just simply break them. I am broken... but blessed be your name Abba.
"Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name"
"Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name"
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Be Present
The wedding was beautiful. The groomsmen wore black converses, the bride whore light blue ones. The music was a mixture of Beastie Boys, Ben Folds, and The Darkness... no cotton-eyed joe or electric slide. I danced up quite a storm. and loved every minute of it. It was perfect. Congrats Brandon and Jessica!
I feel like life has been quite a blur lately, and I hate that. I have only a little over 2 months left here in Georgia, but every minute is passing so quickly. I have a problem by marking my time by events and not moments. Like, we are going camping next week, concert the week after, road trip a couple weeks more. It's the mundane that I miss. Like tonight, doing absolutely nothing with my sister... part of me thinks its so inconsequential, and the other sighs as the moment slips away. This concept of time if so difficult for me to hold.
>>> One of my professors told me a story about when he spent time in Japan as an educator. He said he was between classes and got into a long conversation with another professor there. He realized that they had been talking for quite a while, and were more than a half hour late to instruct their next classes. He said to the other... I'm sorry but we are both very late and need to go. The other man said, in my culture the most important person in the world is the one you are talking to at that precise moment, not the one you are meeting later. He said always be in the moment, always be present.>>>
I'll never forget that story. It is my greatest challenge, though. Always be present. When I think about it, it is very biblical, too. Jesus was always present. He never overlooked anyone because he had 'better' things to do or more immportant people to meet. He was always actively in the present.
...With all that said, I am so excited about some things to come...
1. Camping
2. Recording my music next week
3. Cornerstone
4. Colorado
5. Finally traveling this Country and playing music
6. Having a family/ being a wife
7. Finding my home
...Dangit'... be present!I'm a work in progress. :)
I feel like life has been quite a blur lately, and I hate that. I have only a little over 2 months left here in Georgia, but every minute is passing so quickly. I have a problem by marking my time by events and not moments. Like, we are going camping next week, concert the week after, road trip a couple weeks more. It's the mundane that I miss. Like tonight, doing absolutely nothing with my sister... part of me thinks its so inconsequential, and the other sighs as the moment slips away. This concept of time if so difficult for me to hold.
>>> One of my professors told me a story about when he spent time in Japan as an educator. He said he was between classes and got into a long conversation with another professor there. He realized that they had been talking for quite a while, and were more than a half hour late to instruct their next classes. He said to the other... I'm sorry but we are both very late and need to go. The other man said, in my culture the most important person in the world is the one you are talking to at that precise moment, not the one you are meeting later. He said always be in the moment, always be present.>>>
I'll never forget that story. It is my greatest challenge, though. Always be present. When I think about it, it is very biblical, too. Jesus was always present. He never overlooked anyone because he had 'better' things to do or more immportant people to meet. He was always actively in the present.
...With all that said, I am so excited about some things to come...
1. Camping
2. Recording my music next week
3. Cornerstone
4. Colorado
5. Finally traveling this Country and playing music
6. Having a family/ being a wife
7. Finding my home
...Dangit'... be present!I'm a work in progress. :)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
If You Were a Carpenter
I have lived in 21 places so far... but I think the South has had the most influence on me... this is an ode to my dirty' dirty.
I love Southern sunsets and sweet tea... no matter how many calories your skinny waist tells me it has in it. I think porches are meant to be sat on with rocking chairs that creek loudly. Your high heels are certainly cute, but my boots are much more comfortable, and I bet you can't climb a tree in them neither. I can shoot skeet better than some of the boys, and will challenge you to a fishing contest. I've ridden a bull, okay so it was mechanical, but I tore it up. My best friends are Loretta, Johnny, Patsy, Merle, and June. If you were a carpenter and I was a lady, I'd marry you anyway. I'm a good-hearted woman. My man will walk the line. Chances are my daddy might not like you, I'm his baby girl. I will live on a farm one day. I think a belle's love can tame a wild one. I know my neighbors by name, and we share our recipes. Howdy folks...I stand by my man, and you can call me cowgirl.
In other news.... I leave for the beach today! I am doing the bridesmaids' hair in my friend's older brother's wedding. It's going to be wonderful. I need some seabreeze in my life, and no I do not mean the drink. This will be the start of wedding season... oh joy. I mean that with no scarcasm, I love weddings. I guess I just don't want to start the whole, always a bridesmaid's hairdresser never a bride thing. It exists- google it.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Protection
I had a recent encounter with a creepy man. Don't really want to go into details, but my encounter made me feel so unsafe. I am terrified to go to my house alone, and even with people. I am constantly looking over my shoulder, and I hate living in fear. I know that I have a hedge of protection around me, and that has been the way I have approached living my life for the past years. I never thought twice about hiking by myself, going on night adventures in the mountains, taking the bus when it's dark, walking alone in the city...It's really sad that I have to second-guess my actions because men have a sick a twisted agenda sometimes. In my perfect life, there would be no worry, I could bike across this country and not fear that I would get picked up by some man. The reality is, the fear is there. I keep surrendering it, but it seems like it creeps its way back into my head.
I think its the feeling of protection that I really lack right now. When I am with my dad, I feel completely at ease. With past flames... the same comortableness takes over. I know i should look to the Lord for His comfort, but pardon me for saying that I need a Protector. Someone to say, "Everything will be okay. I am here." I am not some helpless girl that always needs a special someone, but to find a Protector... is a good thing...or shoudl I say for him to find me.
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine. - Isaiah 43:1
I think its the feeling of protection that I really lack right now. When I am with my dad, I feel completely at ease. With past flames... the same comortableness takes over. I know i should look to the Lord for His comfort, but pardon me for saying that I need a Protector. Someone to say, "Everything will be okay. I am here." I am not some helpless girl that always needs a special someone, but to find a Protector... is a good thing...or shoudl I say for him to find me.
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine. - Isaiah 43:1
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Leshika My Darlings
Family is so important to me. Within the past few months, my family has grown in number, with the welcoming of my baby brother Daniel. He is seriously the loveliest child I have ever known. He constantly is giving me “leshika,” which means kisses in Hebrew. He is so gentle and I can already tell very smart. I have had an interesting opportunity to see first-hand how my mother showed her affection for me as a baby. It’s by far the most wonderful thing to witness a woman mothering her child. It seriously is the greatest blessing to have the opportunity to have children. I don’t even have any of my own, but I know one day I will love the pants off of my little ones. To encourage, love, care for and teach them will be incredible. I’m not trying to rush things; I know the Lord has perfect timing, but what a wonderful day it will be when I am a mother.
If you don’t know, my step father is Israeli. Since I am living with him and my mother, I have the chance to experience another culture. We live in a kosher household, have Sabbath dinners every Friday night at sundown…(which if I ever miss- a major guilt trip follows, but I enjoy being with them so it works out)… sing songs, recite prayers, and are generally surrounded by other Israeli families that somehow are related to me. It’s crazy at times, and the lack of privacy is hard to get used to, so is the chattering in another language I cannot understand even a little bit… but I have learned lots from it. My Aunt, who I don’t think is technically my aunt… but anyways… is the kindest woman I have ever met. So many years, I have been taught how important it is to be a good Christian wife to your husband, but I have never really seen what that looks like. My aunt, who is Jewish, is the epitome of the proverbs 31 woman. She is up at the crack of dawn, cleaning, cooking, getting her children ready for school, and always showing me hospitality and kindness. I asked her today why she does it… How she does it? She told me that her husband is supposed to be the king in the household, and her children the prince and princesses. But that isn’t why she does it, she says, she loves them and wants to make life the easiest and best that it can possibly be for them. She wants to give them every opportunity to do well. She wants them to learn things, have friendships and healthy life. She wants them to know what it means to serve, so they can learn to serve the Lord. She wants them to know she loves them… with all of her heart. Cooking and cleaning are nothing she says, love is what I want them to know. Sometimes I think they take her for granted, but I can see she loves them, and if I can, I know they can feel it.
I think it’s so neat that God is teaching me new things from people I least expect. I want to one day have a family and my greatest hope is that they know I love them… with all my heart…cooking and cleaning is part of it… but I just want them to feel loved…. And “leshika” their precious little faces!
If you don’t know, my step father is Israeli. Since I am living with him and my mother, I have the chance to experience another culture. We live in a kosher household, have Sabbath dinners every Friday night at sundown…(which if I ever miss- a major guilt trip follows, but I enjoy being with them so it works out)… sing songs, recite prayers, and are generally surrounded by other Israeli families that somehow are related to me. It’s crazy at times, and the lack of privacy is hard to get used to, so is the chattering in another language I cannot understand even a little bit… but I have learned lots from it. My Aunt, who I don’t think is technically my aunt… but anyways… is the kindest woman I have ever met. So many years, I have been taught how important it is to be a good Christian wife to your husband, but I have never really seen what that looks like. My aunt, who is Jewish, is the epitome of the proverbs 31 woman. She is up at the crack of dawn, cleaning, cooking, getting her children ready for school, and always showing me hospitality and kindness. I asked her today why she does it… How she does it? She told me that her husband is supposed to be the king in the household, and her children the prince and princesses. But that isn’t why she does it, she says, she loves them and wants to make life the easiest and best that it can possibly be for them. She wants to give them every opportunity to do well. She wants them to learn things, have friendships and healthy life. She wants them to know what it means to serve, so they can learn to serve the Lord. She wants them to know she loves them… with all of her heart. Cooking and cleaning are nothing she says, love is what I want them to know. Sometimes I think they take her for granted, but I can see she loves them, and if I can, I know they can feel it.
I think it’s so neat that God is teaching me new things from people I least expect. I want to one day have a family and my greatest hope is that they know I love them… with all my heart…cooking and cleaning is part of it… but I just want them to feel loved…. And “leshika” their precious little faces!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Oh, Loretta.
Life has been great lately. God has been pouring his blessings upon me in such a way that I'm almost just anticipating the bad is going to come. I'm trying to get that out of my head and delight in my God right now. If the bad comes, I hope to delight in Him then, too.
I've been writing a lot. I've written lots of new songs in the past week, and I almost have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I get so much joy from singing. It's nerve wrecking though. I write about pain, joy, love and im trying to be vulnerable. It's the one thing that can connect us all. Life can be so hard at times, pain can overwhelm. Some days we are walking on a cloud, maybe we are in love, maybe we are adventurers... but we have joy. Love is beauty, intimacy, and sometimes heartaches. But I want to write about it all. Maybe you will like my stuff. That's cool. Maybe you won't. And that's cool too. I'm just going to be true to my story and myself, and hopeully you will relate.
Some people have been wondering what kind of stuff i do... when i sing... I don't mean to, but I have a twang. it's odd. I guess you could say im folk. But i hate labels... Just call me Melanie. :)
I saw bradley hathaway the other day play at swayzes. If you haven't heard him, you need to check him out. He humbled himself after the show and even played a couple songs for us outside of the venue on the cold sidewalk. It was wonderful.
loving this right now... rock and roll and folk... makes me wonder why people don't do old country stuff like this anymore...Oh, Loretta you are like my newest hero.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuC_l3ymXhM
I've been writing a lot. I've written lots of new songs in the past week, and I almost have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I get so much joy from singing. It's nerve wrecking though. I write about pain, joy, love and im trying to be vulnerable. It's the one thing that can connect us all. Life can be so hard at times, pain can overwhelm. Some days we are walking on a cloud, maybe we are in love, maybe we are adventurers... but we have joy. Love is beauty, intimacy, and sometimes heartaches. But I want to write about it all. Maybe you will like my stuff. That's cool. Maybe you won't. And that's cool too. I'm just going to be true to my story and myself, and hopeully you will relate.
Some people have been wondering what kind of stuff i do... when i sing... I don't mean to, but I have a twang. it's odd. I guess you could say im folk. But i hate labels... Just call me Melanie. :)
I saw bradley hathaway the other day play at swayzes. If you haven't heard him, you need to check him out. He humbled himself after the show and even played a couple songs for us outside of the venue on the cold sidewalk. It was wonderful.
loving this right now... rock and roll and folk... makes me wonder why people don't do old country stuff like this anymore...Oh, Loretta you are like my newest hero.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuC_l3ymXhM
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Gypsy
I haven't been able to sleep lately. It's exciting for like one night, but I need to rest. Even though my body is a bit tired, my Spirit is more awake than ever before. The only good thing about my lack of sleep is I have been able to write poems and songs.
...
One day I will tour this country in a van. I want to play music and speak truth into people's lives. It'll happen. I was born a gypsy.
...
My mom and stepdad leave for isreal tomorrow. I'm sad to see them go but really excited to have the house to myself to create some more. I am putting everything in my craft right now (art, music). Expression is so important for me. I come alive when I paint and sing.
...
I wrote a love song the other day, but I have never been in love. I'm waiting for someone that delights in me and I in him. It's worth the wait. then i can write a heap of songs about him. <3
...
One day I will tour this country in a van. I want to play music and speak truth into people's lives. It'll happen. I was born a gypsy.
...
My mom and stepdad leave for isreal tomorrow. I'm sad to see them go but really excited to have the house to myself to create some more. I am putting everything in my craft right now (art, music). Expression is so important for me. I come alive when I paint and sing.
...
I wrote a love song the other day, but I have never been in love. I'm waiting for someone that delights in me and I in him. It's worth the wait. then i can write a heap of songs about him. <3
Friday, March 20, 2009
Freedom
To know about my journey, I feel like it's neccesary to know about some big things that have been affecting my life. I'll start by saying this. I know some people write these blogs and put their best foot forward, talking about all the rad things they are doing, places they are going, people they are hanging with. They post things on the positives in their life, but I guess I missed the memo on how to correctly write a blog. I'm real and I have so many faults. I dissapoint people all the time, and I will most likely dissapoint you. I'm damaged goods. But, I'm not just that. His grace has covered it all. I have been a slave to addictions and superficiality, but I have been called to be Free. So, with all that said, some of the things i write in this blog are about lessons I'm learning, and healing that is taking place. I don't write to make myself seem cooler in your eyes, or more attractive. I blog because He has written every line of my story, for His glory... and I know anything good in me is Him. The days I spend here are blessings, and each one can give you a little more understanding of where I am on this journey.
Today was incredible. Thank you Daddy for the sunshine! I needed it so badly. I woke up early, had a meeting, then met Haylie, Logan and my new friend Tasha at Sope Creek. The weather was absolutely perfect. The company was even better...
I had so many hesitations moving back to Atlanta because some relationships I had been building for years here were, well were non-existent anymore, really. I let my selfishness get in the way of truly caring for and pouring into others before I left for Portland. I had created a divide between of few of these people that seemed like would never and could never be bridged again. And for me, being someone who prides themselves in pursuing friendships through love, it is shameful to admit how my selfishness did impact my dearest friends. But it did. When I finally moved back, guilt and more shame continued to cloud my life. I felt miserable with how I was treating others, and yet still claiming to be a lover...a peacemaker...a friend. I got in touch with the girls that I had hurt and they have since had nothing but grace and forgiveness to offer me.
We are now growing again in our friendship and I cannot tell you how blessed I am for the the grace I have experienced with them. It really has given me a glimpse of the Kingdom.
Grace amazing has overflowed in almost all of my relationships now. With my family, I have come to overlook past hurts and dfferences and reach boldly out in love. The spirit that dwells in me enables me to speak peace and love into other's lives, but by living selfishly, I wasn't even able to use my gifts effectively. Everything that I was holding on to so tightly and seeking selfishly is nothing to me.
I know my story is not unlike anything you have heard or read before. I was lost, found, hurt, healed and now free. My story continues, I still will struggle, be beaten down, and I'll get back up...praising His name and spreading his love whereever I go.
Today was incredible. Thank you Daddy for the sunshine! I needed it so badly. I woke up early, had a meeting, then met Haylie, Logan and my new friend Tasha at Sope Creek. The weather was absolutely perfect. The company was even better...
I had so many hesitations moving back to Atlanta because some relationships I had been building for years here were, well were non-existent anymore, really. I let my selfishness get in the way of truly caring for and pouring into others before I left for Portland. I had created a divide between of few of these people that seemed like would never and could never be bridged again. And for me, being someone who prides themselves in pursuing friendships through love, it is shameful to admit how my selfishness did impact my dearest friends. But it did. When I finally moved back, guilt and more shame continued to cloud my life. I felt miserable with how I was treating others, and yet still claiming to be a lover...a peacemaker...a friend. I got in touch with the girls that I had hurt and they have since had nothing but grace and forgiveness to offer me.
We are now growing again in our friendship and I cannot tell you how blessed I am for the the grace I have experienced with them. It really has given me a glimpse of the Kingdom.
Grace amazing has overflowed in almost all of my relationships now. With my family, I have come to overlook past hurts and dfferences and reach boldly out in love. The spirit that dwells in me enables me to speak peace and love into other's lives, but by living selfishly, I wasn't even able to use my gifts effectively. Everything that I was holding on to so tightly and seeking selfishly is nothing to me.
I know my story is not unlike anything you have heard or read before. I was lost, found, hurt, healed and now free. My story continues, I still will struggle, be beaten down, and I'll get back up...praising His name and spreading his love whereever I go.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Granddaddy
My granddaddy was a good man. He wasn't really my granddady, but my great grandfather. Since he raised my dad, I never thought to call him anything else. His hands were calloused and rough, reminding him of the years tending his farm in the flat land of Oklahoma. Even after he left the farm, he kept a garden of his own of cherry tomatoes and cabbage. He walked five miles until the day he passed away and loved his wife stronger than any love you read about in storybooks. And everytime I went to see him, he'd let me ride in the back of his pickup truck to his pond where we'd fish together. I never caught as many as he did, but he always encouraged me. He had this stash of crayons and coloring books for me and my sister and would always put our scribbles up on his refrigerator. I miss him. It has been years since he has passed, but I miss him today. He walked with the Lord. I sang "How Great Thou Art" at his funeral. I've been seeing my Father in Heaven a lot like my granddaddy lately. My Father is love. My Father encourages creativity. My Father cherishes His relationship with me. My little scribbles... my inabillity to catch a fish... all my silly imperfections and short-comings... He delights in. How great you are, Father.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Everything
Normally I don't watch these things, but this video really challenged me. Ch-ch-check it out.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Rebel Christianity
This is a rant. *Caution... it might get ugly, and if you like Polo, don't get offended.
The rebels of Christianity are those kids that skip your prayer meeting to go to the party Billy's throwing downtown. I like them. I think I am becoming one of them. When did becoming a Christian mean completely alienating yourself from the world? This has been coming up a lot in my world lately. As Christians, we beleive that everyone, ahem EVERYONE is made in the image of God, not just your Polo-wearing pals.
I read this passage today and it really struck a chord:
Matthew 11:19
The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners."
In the context, Jesus had just finished doing all these miracles, healing the blind and lame, but the only things people were talking about was the fact that he was drinking, and hanging out with people outside of the church. We, as beleivers are called to be in the world. Yes, our citizenship may be in heaven, but our ministry is here.
For the record, I think prayer meetings are wonderful. I think reading your bible and learning everything humanly possible about loving and living like Jesus did is a great thing. But I also think we are called to party with people outside the church. When I say party, I mean spread joy and laughter. ( Without that correction, someone probably would have sent me hate mail.)Seriously, though..
I went to this bible study and this girl said she didn't want prostitutes sitting next to her in church. I about reached across the room and slapped her in the face. I kept my mouth shut for alot of the bible study, but I couldn't let it go any further. I looked right at her and said "My perfect church would be filled with prostitutes and theives and liars. What a blessing would it be for us to worship together." It's crazy that somehow when you become a Christian, it is now your job to patrol and tell people exactly what they are doing wrong when they are outside of the church. When you judge a person, you have no opportunity to love them. Have we not all fallen short? I know I have. But by the grace, ONLY by the grace are we saved.
I didn't mean for this to come across as an accusation.
I just want you to know, if you have ever been the "judged," I am sorry. I love you. And Jesus sometimes looks nothing like His followers. It is a shame. I do know that there are some others out there that are striving to be more like Him, and I hope you run into one of them someday. And if you don't -I hope you encounter Jesus on a completely supernatural way. :)
The rebels of Christianity are those kids that skip your prayer meeting to go to the party Billy's throwing downtown. I like them. I think I am becoming one of them. When did becoming a Christian mean completely alienating yourself from the world? This has been coming up a lot in my world lately. As Christians, we beleive that everyone, ahem EVERYONE is made in the image of God, not just your Polo-wearing pals.
I read this passage today and it really struck a chord:
Matthew 11:19
The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners."
In the context, Jesus had just finished doing all these miracles, healing the blind and lame, but the only things people were talking about was the fact that he was drinking, and hanging out with people outside of the church. We, as beleivers are called to be in the world. Yes, our citizenship may be in heaven, but our ministry is here.
For the record, I think prayer meetings are wonderful. I think reading your bible and learning everything humanly possible about loving and living like Jesus did is a great thing. But I also think we are called to party with people outside the church. When I say party, I mean spread joy and laughter. ( Without that correction, someone probably would have sent me hate mail.)Seriously, though..
I went to this bible study and this girl said she didn't want prostitutes sitting next to her in church. I about reached across the room and slapped her in the face. I kept my mouth shut for alot of the bible study, but I couldn't let it go any further. I looked right at her and said "My perfect church would be filled with prostitutes and theives and liars. What a blessing would it be for us to worship together." It's crazy that somehow when you become a Christian, it is now your job to patrol and tell people exactly what they are doing wrong when they are outside of the church. When you judge a person, you have no opportunity to love them. Have we not all fallen short? I know I have. But by the grace, ONLY by the grace are we saved.
I didn't mean for this to come across as an accusation.
I just want you to know, if you have ever been the "judged," I am sorry. I love you. And Jesus sometimes looks nothing like His followers. It is a shame. I do know that there are some others out there that are striving to be more like Him, and I hope you run into one of them someday. And if you don't -I hope you encounter Jesus on a completely supernatural way. :)
Humility
It's official. I stink at keeping up with this, but at least I warned you. Someone (Ruth) has been on my case about updating this on my current situation, and this one is simply for her. ;)
I think humility is the biggest word that describes my so-called reality at this moment. The non-profit that I worked with in Portland cut funding and decided to close down the girl's house. I have made such good friendships with my residents and staff, and the news was heartbreaking. Maybe you have never been to Portland, but that place seriously captured my heart. I have never come across so many homeless youth in my entire life. They are funny and kind, they like the same movies I do, they are beautiful, but they simply-for whatever reason- do not have a place to lay their heads. Some shelters are available, some homes ( most have rigorous rules that the kids do not agree to) but definitely not enough. I want to make sure and say this is not a rant against the program that I was working with. They have a plan they are working towards implementing for these girls and there is no doubt in my mind that it will be successful. Still, I guess I'm just bitter because I want to offer these people something. Something of myself, some kindness, hospitality, and love. I get frustrated because it seems like when I get close, something happens and I get removed from the situation. This is where the humility kicks in. I have no idea what the Lord's plan is for me and I have to humble myself to His will.
It's not that easy, though. Directly after getting frustrated, everything in me gets angry at... "the man"- for supporting child labor, my parents for getting divorced, my residents parents for never caring, the pimp that encourages prostitution, the coffee maker for working too slowly...just everything. Then I normally do something stupid. I wish I didn't... But wishes are meant for fairytales, and this is reality. And this is me completely ignoring His will. This is me feeling sorry and not counting my blessings. This is me pissed off and hurt for these women with no where to go on a cold rainy night in February.
God has made me a woman that won't stand by and watch the suffering . This is me.
Each day I wake up, look out my window...in Atlanta... I have my regrets even just in being here 2 weeks. I've made a fool of myself. I have been selfish. I have been knocked to my knees, but I am getting back up. Humbly, I know that anything good in me is Him. I also have my hope that God will rescue those hurting, hungry, and heartbroken. And because our society is pretending they are not there... I will be their voice. This is me, and I am each one of them.
I don't want to sit here and write all these vague ideas, so this is my plan. I will clothe my brothers and sisters on the streets. I will offer friendship. I will seek them out. If they are hungry, I will feed as many as I can. I will let them know they are beautiful, loved and wonderfully made.
Ruth- I love you so stinking much. and this may have been a little "heavier" blog but I hope you enjoy. Definitely more to come, I'll write about my social life when I get one. haha.
I think humility is the biggest word that describes my so-called reality at this moment. The non-profit that I worked with in Portland cut funding and decided to close down the girl's house. I have made such good friendships with my residents and staff, and the news was heartbreaking. Maybe you have never been to Portland, but that place seriously captured my heart. I have never come across so many homeless youth in my entire life. They are funny and kind, they like the same movies I do, they are beautiful, but they simply-for whatever reason- do not have a place to lay their heads. Some shelters are available, some homes ( most have rigorous rules that the kids do not agree to) but definitely not enough. I want to make sure and say this is not a rant against the program that I was working with. They have a plan they are working towards implementing for these girls and there is no doubt in my mind that it will be successful. Still, I guess I'm just bitter because I want to offer these people something. Something of myself, some kindness, hospitality, and love. I get frustrated because it seems like when I get close, something happens and I get removed from the situation. This is where the humility kicks in. I have no idea what the Lord's plan is for me and I have to humble myself to His will.
It's not that easy, though. Directly after getting frustrated, everything in me gets angry at... "the man"- for supporting child labor, my parents for getting divorced, my residents parents for never caring, the pimp that encourages prostitution, the coffee maker for working too slowly...just everything. Then I normally do something stupid. I wish I didn't... But wishes are meant for fairytales, and this is reality. And this is me completely ignoring His will. This is me feeling sorry and not counting my blessings. This is me pissed off and hurt for these women with no where to go on a cold rainy night in February.
God has made me a woman that won't stand by and watch the suffering . This is me.
Each day I wake up, look out my window...in Atlanta... I have my regrets even just in being here 2 weeks. I've made a fool of myself. I have been selfish. I have been knocked to my knees, but I am getting back up. Humbly, I know that anything good in me is Him. I also have my hope that God will rescue those hurting, hungry, and heartbroken. And because our society is pretending they are not there... I will be their voice. This is me, and I am each one of them.
I don't want to sit here and write all these vague ideas, so this is my plan. I will clothe my brothers and sisters on the streets. I will offer friendship. I will seek them out. If they are hungry, I will feed as many as I can. I will let them know they are beautiful, loved and wonderfully made.
Ruth- I love you so stinking much. and this may have been a little "heavier" blog but I hope you enjoy. Definitely more to come, I'll write about my social life when I get one. haha.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Land of Port
It's been about 3 weeks now that I have been living in Portland, Oregon! I don't even know where to begin...
Arriving in Portland was nothing short of ridiculous. I should have expected nothing less from the LGA (Lord God Almighty for you other than Steff or Julie) than extreme weather conditions that left me snowed in for about a week. Luckily, it was my first week living at the girl's house so it was a blessing to have that time to become more acquainted with the program. Most of the time I spent reading, journaling and of course helping bake copious amounts of Christmas cookies which we also frosted. The internship I'm doing is with a program called Transitional Youth. It's a great program and if you want to learn more you should check out the website (plug). So far, I am absolutely loving the job which mostly consists of checking off chores, but so much more comes with it and I am thrilled to see how the friendships with these girls strengthen. The staff is incredible as well as my 2 lovely residents! :) Since we were snowed in, we all got to know each other incredibly well in a terribly short period of time. Oh the joy of Christian community...
Once the blizzard came to a hault, I finally got the chance to explore Portland. Thanks to public transportation, I familiarized myself with the city quickly. Afterall no one wants to make the mistake of taking the wrong bus, ending up on the wrong side of town then finally arriving at the entrance of your neighborhood late at night while two very conspicuous large men are doing what seems like a drug deal. Trust me, you won't make that mistake twice. The city is great. There are so many coffee shops and book stores. Most everything seems locally owned and sustained by a farm not too far away, which makes the veggies seem even fresher. Or it could be some sort of placebo effect that makes you think that they are, but in fact there products are actually supplied by wal-mart. Either way, with all the coffee and tea-sleep has taken a backseat in my life which will probably catch up to me sooner or later, but I am having so much fun now I'll try not to worry bout that. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzz. oops. Just kidding. The only bad part about a new city is since I don't many ( like maybe 3) people here, I walk around aimlessly and may have gotten a bit too comfortable with asking for a table for one. It's weird coming from years of always having people around when you want them or not to all of a sudden being on your own. I think this magnifies how often I take advantage of community. In any case, i plan on joining a small group/book club/hiking club/ANYthing that will put community around me again.
One really cool place here I spend a lot of my time is the Drop-In Center for Transitional Youth. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday it's open for homeless youth ages 18-25 to come, hang out, eat, get clothes or even sleeping bags. Normally a movie is playing and someone is playing the piano. It gives them a chance to stay warm and dry before the shelters open because most don't open til 9 or 930 at night. I had never seen anything like this place in my life. Portland has per capita the greatest problem with teen homelessness in all the US. Although I have done homelesss ministry before, most of the friends I had made were in their 30s and up. It's surreal sitting at the drop-in and seeing a large room full of people my age without a place to call home. Anyway, street church, as we call it, is a cool place to hang out and build friendships. I have certainly met my share of interesting people there. Most of the kids at the Drop-In have street nicknames that they go by. So now, I am determined to also obtain one of these names too...I have been brainstorming for days and I can't come up with anything remotely tough or witty enough to make it for more than one introduction with my new friends...I'll keep thinking though. If you have any suggestions, let me know- and nothing too wimpy, I have a rep to protect.
Arriving in Portland was nothing short of ridiculous. I should have expected nothing less from the LGA (Lord God Almighty for you other than Steff or Julie) than extreme weather conditions that left me snowed in for about a week. Luckily, it was my first week living at the girl's house so it was a blessing to have that time to become more acquainted with the program. Most of the time I spent reading, journaling and of course helping bake copious amounts of Christmas cookies which we also frosted. The internship I'm doing is with a program called Transitional Youth. It's a great program and if you want to learn more you should check out the website (plug). So far, I am absolutely loving the job which mostly consists of checking off chores, but so much more comes with it and I am thrilled to see how the friendships with these girls strengthen. The staff is incredible as well as my 2 lovely residents! :) Since we were snowed in, we all got to know each other incredibly well in a terribly short period of time. Oh the joy of Christian community...
Once the blizzard came to a hault, I finally got the chance to explore Portland. Thanks to public transportation, I familiarized myself with the city quickly. Afterall no one wants to make the mistake of taking the wrong bus, ending up on the wrong side of town then finally arriving at the entrance of your neighborhood late at night while two very conspicuous large men are doing what seems like a drug deal. Trust me, you won't make that mistake twice. The city is great. There are so many coffee shops and book stores. Most everything seems locally owned and sustained by a farm not too far away, which makes the veggies seem even fresher. Or it could be some sort of placebo effect that makes you think that they are, but in fact there products are actually supplied by wal-mart. Either way, with all the coffee and tea-sleep has taken a backseat in my life which will probably catch up to me sooner or later, but I am having so much fun now I'll try not to worry bout that. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzz. oops. Just kidding. The only bad part about a new city is since I don't many ( like maybe 3) people here, I walk around aimlessly and may have gotten a bit too comfortable with asking for a table for one. It's weird coming from years of always having people around when you want them or not to all of a sudden being on your own. I think this magnifies how often I take advantage of community. In any case, i plan on joining a small group/book club/hiking club/ANYthing that will put community around me again.
One really cool place here I spend a lot of my time is the Drop-In Center for Transitional Youth. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday it's open for homeless youth ages 18-25 to come, hang out, eat, get clothes or even sleeping bags. Normally a movie is playing and someone is playing the piano. It gives them a chance to stay warm and dry before the shelters open because most don't open til 9 or 930 at night. I had never seen anything like this place in my life. Portland has per capita the greatest problem with teen homelessness in all the US. Although I have done homelesss ministry before, most of the friends I had made were in their 30s and up. It's surreal sitting at the drop-in and seeing a large room full of people my age without a place to call home. Anyway, street church, as we call it, is a cool place to hang out and build friendships. I have certainly met my share of interesting people there. Most of the kids at the Drop-In have street nicknames that they go by. So now, I am determined to also obtain one of these names too...I have been brainstorming for days and I can't come up with anything remotely tough or witty enough to make it for more than one introduction with my new friends...I'll keep thinking though. If you have any suggestions, let me know- and nothing too wimpy, I have a rep to protect.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)