Humility

It's official. I stink at keeping up with this, but at least I warned you. Someone (Ruth) has been on my case about updating this on my current situation, and this one is simply for her. ;)

I think humility is the biggest word that describes my so-called reality at this moment. The non-profit that I worked with in Portland cut funding and decided to close down the girl's house. I have made such good friendships with my residents and staff, and the news was heartbreaking. Maybe you have never been to Portland, but that place seriously captured my heart. I have never come across so many homeless youth in my entire life. They are funny and kind, they like the same movies I do, they are beautiful, but they simply-for whatever reason- do not have a place to lay their heads. Some shelters are available, some homes ( most have rigorous rules that the kids do not agree to) but definitely not enough. I want to make sure and say this is not a rant against the program that I was working with. They have a plan they are working towards implementing for these girls and there is no doubt in my mind that it will be successful. Still, I guess I'm just bitter because I want to offer these people something. Something of myself, some kindness, hospitality, and love. I get frustrated because it seems like when I get close, something happens and I get removed from the situation. This is where the humility kicks in. I have no idea what the Lord's plan is for me and I have to humble myself to His will.

It's not that easy, though. Directly after getting frustrated, everything in me gets angry at... "the man"- for supporting child labor, my parents for getting divorced, my residents parents for never caring, the pimp that encourages prostitution, the coffee maker for working too slowly...just everything. Then I normally do something stupid. I wish I didn't... But wishes are meant for fairytales, and this is reality. And this is me completely ignoring His will. This is me feeling sorry and not counting my blessings. This is me pissed off and hurt for these women with no where to go on a cold rainy night in February.

God has made me a woman that won't stand by and watch the suffering . This is me.

Each day I wake up, look out my window...in Atlanta... I have my regrets even just in being here 2 weeks. I've made a fool of myself. I have been selfish. I have been knocked to my knees, but I am getting back up. Humbly, I know that anything good in me is Him. I also have my hope that God will rescue those hurting, hungry, and heartbroken. And because our society is pretending they are not there... I will be their voice. This is me, and I am each one of them.
I don't want to sit here and write all these vague ideas, so this is my plan. I will clothe my brothers and sisters on the streets. I will offer friendship. I will seek them out. If they are hungry, I will feed as many as I can. I will let them know they are beautiful, loved and wonderfully made.

Ruth- I love you so stinking much. and this may have been a little "heavier" blog but I hope you enjoy. Definitely more to come, I'll write about my social life when I get one. haha.