This is a rant. *Caution... it might get ugly, and if you like Polo, don't get offended.
The rebels of Christianity are those kids that skip your prayer meeting to go to the party Billy's throwing downtown. I like them. I think I am becoming one of them. When did becoming a Christian mean completely alienating yourself from the world? This has been coming up a lot in my world lately. As Christians, we beleive that everyone, ahem EVERYONE is made in the image of God, not just your Polo-wearing pals.
I read this passage today and it really struck a chord:
Matthew 11:19
The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners."
In the context, Jesus had just finished doing all these miracles, healing the blind and lame, but the only things people were talking about was the fact that he was drinking, and hanging out with people outside of the church. We, as beleivers are called to be in the world. Yes, our citizenship may be in heaven, but our ministry is here.
For the record, I think prayer meetings are wonderful. I think reading your bible and learning everything humanly possible about loving and living like Jesus did is a great thing. But I also think we are called to party with people outside the church. When I say party, I mean spread joy and laughter. ( Without that correction, someone probably would have sent me hate mail.)Seriously, though..
I went to this bible study and this girl said she didn't want prostitutes sitting next to her in church. I about reached across the room and slapped her in the face. I kept my mouth shut for alot of the bible study, but I couldn't let it go any further. I looked right at her and said "My perfect church would be filled with prostitutes and theives and liars. What a blessing would it be for us to worship together." It's crazy that somehow when you become a Christian, it is now your job to patrol and tell people exactly what they are doing wrong when they are outside of the church. When you judge a person, you have no opportunity to love them. Have we not all fallen short? I know I have. But by the grace, ONLY by the grace are we saved.
I didn't mean for this to come across as an accusation.
I just want you to know, if you have ever been the "judged," I am sorry. I love you. And Jesus sometimes looks nothing like His followers. It is a shame. I do know that there are some others out there that are striving to be more like Him, and I hope you run into one of them someday. And if you don't -I hope you encounter Jesus on a completely supernatural way. :)
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Humility
It's official. I stink at keeping up with this, but at least I warned you. Someone (Ruth) has been on my case about updating this on my current situation, and this one is simply for her. ;)
I think humility is the biggest word that describes my so-called reality at this moment. The non-profit that I worked with in Portland cut funding and decided to close down the girl's house. I have made such good friendships with my residents and staff, and the news was heartbreaking. Maybe you have never been to Portland, but that place seriously captured my heart. I have never come across so many homeless youth in my entire life. They are funny and kind, they like the same movies I do, they are beautiful, but they simply-for whatever reason- do not have a place to lay their heads. Some shelters are available, some homes ( most have rigorous rules that the kids do not agree to) but definitely not enough. I want to make sure and say this is not a rant against the program that I was working with. They have a plan they are working towards implementing for these girls and there is no doubt in my mind that it will be successful. Still, I guess I'm just bitter because I want to offer these people something. Something of myself, some kindness, hospitality, and love. I get frustrated because it seems like when I get close, something happens and I get removed from the situation. This is where the humility kicks in. I have no idea what the Lord's plan is for me and I have to humble myself to His will.
It's not that easy, though. Directly after getting frustrated, everything in me gets angry at... "the man"- for supporting child labor, my parents for getting divorced, my residents parents for never caring, the pimp that encourages prostitution, the coffee maker for working too slowly...just everything. Then I normally do something stupid. I wish I didn't... But wishes are meant for fairytales, and this is reality. And this is me completely ignoring His will. This is me feeling sorry and not counting my blessings. This is me pissed off and hurt for these women with no where to go on a cold rainy night in February.
God has made me a woman that won't stand by and watch the suffering . This is me.
Each day I wake up, look out my window...in Atlanta... I have my regrets even just in being here 2 weeks. I've made a fool of myself. I have been selfish. I have been knocked to my knees, but I am getting back up. Humbly, I know that anything good in me is Him. I also have my hope that God will rescue those hurting, hungry, and heartbroken. And because our society is pretending they are not there... I will be their voice. This is me, and I am each one of them.
I don't want to sit here and write all these vague ideas, so this is my plan. I will clothe my brothers and sisters on the streets. I will offer friendship. I will seek them out. If they are hungry, I will feed as many as I can. I will let them know they are beautiful, loved and wonderfully made.
Ruth- I love you so stinking much. and this may have been a little "heavier" blog but I hope you enjoy. Definitely more to come, I'll write about my social life when I get one. haha.
I think humility is the biggest word that describes my so-called reality at this moment. The non-profit that I worked with in Portland cut funding and decided to close down the girl's house. I have made such good friendships with my residents and staff, and the news was heartbreaking. Maybe you have never been to Portland, but that place seriously captured my heart. I have never come across so many homeless youth in my entire life. They are funny and kind, they like the same movies I do, they are beautiful, but they simply-for whatever reason- do not have a place to lay their heads. Some shelters are available, some homes ( most have rigorous rules that the kids do not agree to) but definitely not enough. I want to make sure and say this is not a rant against the program that I was working with. They have a plan they are working towards implementing for these girls and there is no doubt in my mind that it will be successful. Still, I guess I'm just bitter because I want to offer these people something. Something of myself, some kindness, hospitality, and love. I get frustrated because it seems like when I get close, something happens and I get removed from the situation. This is where the humility kicks in. I have no idea what the Lord's plan is for me and I have to humble myself to His will.
It's not that easy, though. Directly after getting frustrated, everything in me gets angry at... "the man"- for supporting child labor, my parents for getting divorced, my residents parents for never caring, the pimp that encourages prostitution, the coffee maker for working too slowly...just everything. Then I normally do something stupid. I wish I didn't... But wishes are meant for fairytales, and this is reality. And this is me completely ignoring His will. This is me feeling sorry and not counting my blessings. This is me pissed off and hurt for these women with no where to go on a cold rainy night in February.
God has made me a woman that won't stand by and watch the suffering . This is me.
Each day I wake up, look out my window...in Atlanta... I have my regrets even just in being here 2 weeks. I've made a fool of myself. I have been selfish. I have been knocked to my knees, but I am getting back up. Humbly, I know that anything good in me is Him. I also have my hope that God will rescue those hurting, hungry, and heartbroken. And because our society is pretending they are not there... I will be their voice. This is me, and I am each one of them.
I don't want to sit here and write all these vague ideas, so this is my plan. I will clothe my brothers and sisters on the streets. I will offer friendship. I will seek them out. If they are hungry, I will feed as many as I can. I will let them know they are beautiful, loved and wonderfully made.
Ruth- I love you so stinking much. and this may have been a little "heavier" blog but I hope you enjoy. Definitely more to come, I'll write about my social life when I get one. haha.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Land of Port
It's been about 3 weeks now that I have been living in Portland, Oregon! I don't even know where to begin...
Arriving in Portland was nothing short of ridiculous. I should have expected nothing less from the LGA (Lord God Almighty for you other than Steff or Julie) than extreme weather conditions that left me snowed in for about a week. Luckily, it was my first week living at the girl's house so it was a blessing to have that time to become more acquainted with the program. Most of the time I spent reading, journaling and of course helping bake copious amounts of Christmas cookies which we also frosted. The internship I'm doing is with a program called Transitional Youth. It's a great program and if you want to learn more you should check out the website (plug). So far, I am absolutely loving the job which mostly consists of checking off chores, but so much more comes with it and I am thrilled to see how the friendships with these girls strengthen. The staff is incredible as well as my 2 lovely residents! :) Since we were snowed in, we all got to know each other incredibly well in a terribly short period of time. Oh the joy of Christian community...
Once the blizzard came to a hault, I finally got the chance to explore Portland. Thanks to public transportation, I familiarized myself with the city quickly. Afterall no one wants to make the mistake of taking the wrong bus, ending up on the wrong side of town then finally arriving at the entrance of your neighborhood late at night while two very conspicuous large men are doing what seems like a drug deal. Trust me, you won't make that mistake twice. The city is great. There are so many coffee shops and book stores. Most everything seems locally owned and sustained by a farm not too far away, which makes the veggies seem even fresher. Or it could be some sort of placebo effect that makes you think that they are, but in fact there products are actually supplied by wal-mart. Either way, with all the coffee and tea-sleep has taken a backseat in my life which will probably catch up to me sooner or later, but I am having so much fun now I'll try not to worry bout that. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzz. oops. Just kidding. The only bad part about a new city is since I don't many ( like maybe 3) people here, I walk around aimlessly and may have gotten a bit too comfortable with asking for a table for one. It's weird coming from years of always having people around when you want them or not to all of a sudden being on your own. I think this magnifies how often I take advantage of community. In any case, i plan on joining a small group/book club/hiking club/ANYthing that will put community around me again.
One really cool place here I spend a lot of my time is the Drop-In Center for Transitional Youth. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday it's open for homeless youth ages 18-25 to come, hang out, eat, get clothes or even sleeping bags. Normally a movie is playing and someone is playing the piano. It gives them a chance to stay warm and dry before the shelters open because most don't open til 9 or 930 at night. I had never seen anything like this place in my life. Portland has per capita the greatest problem with teen homelessness in all the US. Although I have done homelesss ministry before, most of the friends I had made were in their 30s and up. It's surreal sitting at the drop-in and seeing a large room full of people my age without a place to call home. Anyway, street church, as we call it, is a cool place to hang out and build friendships. I have certainly met my share of interesting people there. Most of the kids at the Drop-In have street nicknames that they go by. So now, I am determined to also obtain one of these names too...I have been brainstorming for days and I can't come up with anything remotely tough or witty enough to make it for more than one introduction with my new friends...I'll keep thinking though. If you have any suggestions, let me know- and nothing too wimpy, I have a rep to protect.
Arriving in Portland was nothing short of ridiculous. I should have expected nothing less from the LGA (Lord God Almighty for you other than Steff or Julie) than extreme weather conditions that left me snowed in for about a week. Luckily, it was my first week living at the girl's house so it was a blessing to have that time to become more acquainted with the program. Most of the time I spent reading, journaling and of course helping bake copious amounts of Christmas cookies which we also frosted. The internship I'm doing is with a program called Transitional Youth. It's a great program and if you want to learn more you should check out the website (plug). So far, I am absolutely loving the job which mostly consists of checking off chores, but so much more comes with it and I am thrilled to see how the friendships with these girls strengthen. The staff is incredible as well as my 2 lovely residents! :) Since we were snowed in, we all got to know each other incredibly well in a terribly short period of time. Oh the joy of Christian community...
Once the blizzard came to a hault, I finally got the chance to explore Portland. Thanks to public transportation, I familiarized myself with the city quickly. Afterall no one wants to make the mistake of taking the wrong bus, ending up on the wrong side of town then finally arriving at the entrance of your neighborhood late at night while two very conspicuous large men are doing what seems like a drug deal. Trust me, you won't make that mistake twice. The city is great. There are so many coffee shops and book stores. Most everything seems locally owned and sustained by a farm not too far away, which makes the veggies seem even fresher. Or it could be some sort of placebo effect that makes you think that they are, but in fact there products are actually supplied by wal-mart. Either way, with all the coffee and tea-sleep has taken a backseat in my life which will probably catch up to me sooner or later, but I am having so much fun now I'll try not to worry bout that. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzz. oops. Just kidding. The only bad part about a new city is since I don't many ( like maybe 3) people here, I walk around aimlessly and may have gotten a bit too comfortable with asking for a table for one. It's weird coming from years of always having people around when you want them or not to all of a sudden being on your own. I think this magnifies how often I take advantage of community. In any case, i plan on joining a small group/book club/hiking club/ANYthing that will put community around me again.
One really cool place here I spend a lot of my time is the Drop-In Center for Transitional Youth. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday it's open for homeless youth ages 18-25 to come, hang out, eat, get clothes or even sleeping bags. Normally a movie is playing and someone is playing the piano. It gives them a chance to stay warm and dry before the shelters open because most don't open til 9 or 930 at night. I had never seen anything like this place in my life. Portland has per capita the greatest problem with teen homelessness in all the US. Although I have done homelesss ministry before, most of the friends I had made were in their 30s and up. It's surreal sitting at the drop-in and seeing a large room full of people my age without a place to call home. Anyway, street church, as we call it, is a cool place to hang out and build friendships. I have certainly met my share of interesting people there. Most of the kids at the Drop-In have street nicknames that they go by. So now, I am determined to also obtain one of these names too...I have been brainstorming for days and I can't come up with anything remotely tough or witty enough to make it for more than one introduction with my new friends...I'll keep thinking though. If you have any suggestions, let me know- and nothing too wimpy, I have a rep to protect.
Monday, November 3, 2008
My Prince
One person can never make you happy. Over and over again, this has been coming up in my life. There’s someone I know, her name is Maria. No, her name isn’t actually Maria, but why do you need to know who it is? Any who, Maria had a really bad breakup with a guy she had been with for years. Following the breakup she sunk into a pit of depression, and it seemed like she would never get out. Then she met Paulo. Again, his name isn’t really Paulo either. He made her smile and Maria thought he could make her happy. With this new relationship, Maria has adopted a lot of Paulo’s traditions and completely left hers at the door. Maria is from Venezuela, and Paulo is Scandinavian. All her life, Maria was so proud of her culture, but in order to please Paulo, she has seriously abandoned it. Every time I see Maria, she is smiling, but I wonder when the mask will come off. You can’t live someone else’s life and hope to get happiness from it. You can’t forget what makes you come alive inside to pursue a life that gives you a false sense of joy.
Some of you “happy” people out there would probably point out the fact that, I have been single for a while now and I just wouldn’t understand. Right? I do. I know that when I do choose to become serious again with a guy, it’s not because he will be able to make me happy. It will be because he enriches the happiness that I have. It’ll be because I want to walk with him and share all the joy and blessings I have. Maybe this is why it’s seems so hard to dive into relationships for me. I’ve dated a bit, but I know that one day my prince will come and he will whisk me away and there will be a glorious…………… nope, sorry, not for me. Never has been. I’m pretty independent and I don’t need rescuing. Pay attention boys… what I need is someone that delights in me and I in him. Simple as that.
I think I could be single forever if it means that all my relationships would be with guys that didn’t let me be myself. Where is the fun in that? I know that I am created for a purpose and no man can keep me from pleasing my Creator. To do it any other way would rid me of a lot of joy. But for Maria and Paulo, I can only hope that she truly is happy and they do live happily ever after……
And if you thought this was going to be a detailed account of some new boy in my life, you should know me better than that. Peace.
Some of you “happy” people out there would probably point out the fact that, I have been single for a while now and I just wouldn’t understand. Right? I do. I know that when I do choose to become serious again with a guy, it’s not because he will be able to make me happy. It will be because he enriches the happiness that I have. It’ll be because I want to walk with him and share all the joy and blessings I have. Maybe this is why it’s seems so hard to dive into relationships for me. I’ve dated a bit, but I know that one day my prince will come and he will whisk me away and there will be a glorious…………… nope, sorry, not for me. Never has been. I’m pretty independent and I don’t need rescuing. Pay attention boys… what I need is someone that delights in me and I in him. Simple as that.
I think I could be single forever if it means that all my relationships would be with guys that didn’t let me be myself. Where is the fun in that? I know that I am created for a purpose and no man can keep me from pleasing my Creator. To do it any other way would rid me of a lot of joy. But for Maria and Paulo, I can only hope that she truly is happy and they do live happily ever after……
And if you thought this was going to be a detailed account of some new boy in my life, you should know me better than that. Peace.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Freedom
Over dinner yesterday night I told my mom about an opportunity to work in a girl’s transitional living facility. I told her about what an awesome internship it would be and some details on how I found out about it. The only thing about it is it’s on the other side of the country. The distance doesn’t scare me, nor does the internship, but I felt uneasy with talking with her about it. I’m about to be 20, and I have lived on my own for a little over a year. But during the conversation I still found myself asking for her permission. She looked over at me and said, “It’s your life, Melanie. You can do what you want.” As I heard it, freedom came over me. I can’t even explain ho incredible it was to hear. I mean, I know that I am old enough to grab hold of my life, but to truly realize that I can do whatever I want really blessed me. I cut this lady’s hair the other day at the salon and she was an interesting lady. She had been all over the world, had a large family, and now works volunteers in local shelters. She told me about her time in India and how she was hoping to go back this summer. As I listened to her stories, I thought, gosh she has done so many incredible things. Then it clicked. My life really is only just beginning. God has given an opportunity to live a life for Him- giving Him all the glory. He has this plan for my life that will blow me away. It doesn’t lack excitement, it is filled with it. Sure, I take a misstep every now and then. Scratch that, sometimes I’m COMPLETELY off course, but he works with that and still has this beautiful life ready for me to live. But it’s my choice to live, not in fear, but in Him. I have to take that step though, whether with the internship or not, I need to accept responsibility for my life and choose life.
Cozy Bed and Cracked Windows
There is a train that I hear every night in the distance. Its horn whispers to me as I lie in my warm and comfortable bed fixed between two cracked windows. Louder and longer the horn screams to me as it nears. I always wonder who is on the train. Where are they going? What is holding me back from hopping that train and journeying to some far off city where no one has known my failures or successes? To assume a completely different identity and get lost in the character that I mask so cleverly with my witty and calculated answers. I’d wear large sunglasses and hats pretending to be someone I’m not. Of course, that plan would fail because I would abandon the journey that is life. The mystery of every step that I can take, and the decisions I might make excite me. Why should I put on a face and live another’s life, when each day I live has endless possibilities? I could get on that train. I could go and forget all that I am to chase the next adventure. I could leave this place and never look back. I always think about that train. That train that leads to another town, but once I get to that town, I still have to face the problems and insecurities I thought I had left there, in my cozy bed between my cracked windows.
I write all this knowing full well that sometimes, you got to get on that train. But I hope when I do, it’s not to pursue refuge in crowds, but instead to independently take another step, accepting the past and pressing towards the future.
I write all this knowing full well that sometimes, you got to get on that train. But I hope when I do, it’s not to pursue refuge in crowds, but instead to independently take another step, accepting the past and pressing towards the future.
No Promises
So, I have never really blogged before. Consistently, that is. Since it’s hard to fill everyone in on what’s going on, I thought this would allow anyone who cares to know about my life, know. This is also my attempt to put my thoughts in order. Hopefully I’ll keep up with it, but no promises. Enjoy.
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