Burdens

So something happened this week but I know going into any detail via this blog would take away how much this thing meant to me, my family, and especially my beautiful mom. My family has learned a lot from the "thing" that took place. I will tell you that life is precious, never take a second for granted. Love your family and don't let the small stuff keep you from eachother. and when they need you, which one day they will no matter how bad they won't want to admit it, be there for them.
I'm bout to get all vulnerable on this thing... crazy how i feel comfortable sharing my feelings on this thing that anyone coud read. (not that anyone really takes the time to read mine other than ruth or logan. :) but eventhough I have learned quite a bit, I wish I could understand why this happened. I wish I knew why He let this happen. I wish He could just hold me. I wish I could know what to say when my mom asks what You are up to anyway. I wish the pain in my heavy heart would stop.

I know I am not alone in this. Everyone carries a burden. I thought about this while I was waiting in the hospital for my mom to get done with surgery. In the waiting room, I sat holding my precious baby brother Daniel. This doctor walked out, still in his surgery scrubs. He bolted towards this woman that was sitting alone behind me. His eyes were fully of worry and his mannerisms seemed tense. He said in a loud voice...
" We did the best we could do, but it spread into her bood vessels and it's not looking good at all. This is bad really bad. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. It just doesn't look good. there is nothing we can do. I am sorry."
My heart sank. I began to cry. I dropped my head trying to hide the tears as best I could so that she wouldn't see that I heard. I made eye contact with my sister, and she too wept. One of the attendants bolted over to the woman and gave her tissues, and comforted her as best she could. I didn't know what to do. I sat heavy-hearted in my seat and wondered how many times people got bad news in that hospital. I wondered who was this person to the woman. Then I just cried a bit more.
In scipture, He teaches that we as His followers are supposed to carry eachother's burdens. With this hidden in my heart, I knew what I was supposed to do. I prayed to receive it from her. everything... all of it. I beleive that I did.
Since that day, when I've seen a person looking down or worried, I've been asking to receive it from them, too. It hasn't made life easier. But has definitely made me more aware of the hurting, and the possibility of restoration and healing. I think we as daughters and sons are called to be compassionate and loving with people we meet along the way. My heart literally broke for this woman. I've never seen her in my life.


If you would have asked me what compassion was 4 years ago, I might be able to tell you. If you ask me now, I might be able to show you.crazy how my heart has changed, and keeps changing.


For anyone hurting:

You are precious. he has not forgotten or abandoned you. He is not punishing you, even though it might feel like it. I will hope alongside you in the struggle. it's okay to be broken. but above all...i am here for you. I don't have all the answers, there is a reason I hope, and His name is love. but right now, let me carry your burden and I will cast it at His feet. I pray for joy and peace to overflow on your wearied heart. I pray you will find rest.

Blessed Be Your Name

Some things happen to a person and break their heart. Other things happen to them and just simply break them. I am broken... but blessed be your name Abba.

"Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name"

Be Present

The wedding was beautiful. The groomsmen wore black converses, the bride whore light blue ones. The music was a mixture of Beastie Boys, Ben Folds, and The Darkness... no cotton-eyed joe or electric slide. I danced up quite a storm. and loved every minute of it. It was perfect. Congrats Brandon and Jessica!

I feel like life has been quite a blur lately, and I hate that. I have only a little over 2 months left here in Georgia, but every minute is passing so quickly. I have a problem by marking my time by events and not moments. Like, we are going camping next week, concert the week after, road trip a couple weeks more. It's the mundane that I miss. Like tonight, doing absolutely nothing with my sister... part of me thinks its so inconsequential, and the other sighs as the moment slips away. This concept of time if so difficult for me to hold.

>>> One of my professors told me a story about when he spent time in Japan as an educator. He said he was between classes and got into a long conversation with another professor there. He realized that they had been talking for quite a while, and were more than a half hour late to instruct their next classes. He said to the other... I'm sorry but we are both very late and need to go. The other man said, in my culture the most important person in the world is the one you are talking to at that precise moment, not the one you are meeting later. He said always be in the moment, always be present.>>>

I'll never forget that story. It is my greatest challenge, though. Always be present. When I think about it, it is very biblical, too. Jesus was always present. He never overlooked anyone because he had 'better' things to do or more immportant people to meet. He was always actively in the present.

...With all that said, I am so excited about some things to come...

1. Camping
2. Recording my music next week
3. Cornerstone
4. Colorado
5. Finally traveling this Country and playing music
6. Having a family/ being a wife
7. Finding my home

...Dangit'... be present!I'm a work in progress. :)

If You Were a Carpenter

I have lived in 21 places so far... but I think the South has had the most influence on me... this is an ode to my dirty' dirty.

I love Southern sunsets and sweet tea... no matter how many calories your skinny waist tells me it has in it. I think porches are meant to be sat on with rocking chairs that creek loudly. Your high heels are certainly cute, but my boots are much more comfortable, and I bet you can't climb a tree in them neither. I can shoot skeet better than some of the boys, and will challenge you to a fishing contest. I've ridden a bull, okay so it was mechanical, but I tore it up. My best friends are Loretta, Johnny, Patsy, Merle, and June. If you were a carpenter and I was a lady, I'd marry you anyway. I'm a good-hearted woman. My man will walk the line. Chances are my daddy might not like you, I'm his baby girl. I will live on a farm one day. I think a belle's love can tame a wild one. I know my neighbors by name, and we share our recipes. Howdy folks...I stand by my man, and you can call me cowgirl.


In other news.... I leave for the beach today! I am doing the bridesmaids' hair in my friend's older brother's wedding. It's going to be wonderful. I need some seabreeze in my life, and no I do not mean the drink. This will be the start of wedding season... oh joy. I mean that with no scarcasm, I love weddings. I guess I just don't want to start the whole, always a bridesmaid's hairdresser never a bride thing. It exists- google it.

Protection

I had a recent encounter with a creepy man. Don't really want to go into details, but my encounter made me feel so unsafe. I am terrified to go to my house alone, and even with people. I am constantly looking over my shoulder, and I hate living in fear. I know that I have a hedge of protection around me, and that has been the way I have approached living my life for the past years. I never thought twice about hiking by myself, going on night adventures in the mountains, taking the bus when it's dark, walking alone in the city...It's really sad that I have to second-guess my actions because men have a sick a twisted agenda sometimes. In my perfect life, there would be no worry, I could bike across this country and not fear that I would get picked up by some man. The reality is, the fear is there. I keep surrendering it, but it seems like it creeps its way back into my head.

I think its the feeling of protection that I really lack right now. When I am with my dad, I feel completely at ease. With past flames... the same comortableness takes over. I know i should look to the Lord for His comfort, but pardon me for saying that I need a Protector. Someone to say, "Everything will be okay. I am here." I am not some helpless girl that always needs a special someone, but to find a Protector... is a good thing...or shoudl I say for him to find me.

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine. - Isaiah 43:1

Leshika My Darlings

Family is so important to me. Within the past few months, my family has grown in number, with the welcoming of my baby brother Daniel. He is seriously the loveliest child I have ever known. He constantly is giving me “leshika,” which means kisses in Hebrew. He is so gentle and I can already tell very smart. I have had an interesting opportunity to see first-hand how my mother showed her affection for me as a baby. It’s by far the most wonderful thing to witness a woman mothering her child. It seriously is the greatest blessing to have the opportunity to have children. I don’t even have any of my own, but I know one day I will love the pants off of my little ones. To encourage, love, care for and teach them will be incredible. I’m not trying to rush things; I know the Lord has perfect timing, but what a wonderful day it will be when I am a mother.
If you don’t know, my step father is Israeli. Since I am living with him and my mother, I have the chance to experience another culture. We live in a kosher household, have Sabbath dinners every Friday night at sundown…(which if I ever miss- a major guilt trip follows, but I enjoy being with them so it works out)… sing songs, recite prayers, and are generally surrounded by other Israeli families that somehow are related to me. It’s crazy at times, and the lack of privacy is hard to get used to, so is the chattering in another language I cannot understand even a little bit… but I have learned lots from it. My Aunt, who I don’t think is technically my aunt… but anyways… is the kindest woman I have ever met. So many years, I have been taught how important it is to be a good Christian wife to your husband, but I have never really seen what that looks like. My aunt, who is Jewish, is the epitome of the proverbs 31 woman. She is up at the crack of dawn, cleaning, cooking, getting her children ready for school, and always showing me hospitality and kindness. I asked her today why she does it… How she does it? She told me that her husband is supposed to be the king in the household, and her children the prince and princesses. But that isn’t why she does it, she says, she loves them and wants to make life the easiest and best that it can possibly be for them. She wants to give them every opportunity to do well. She wants them to learn things, have friendships and healthy life. She wants them to know what it means to serve, so they can learn to serve the Lord. She wants them to know she loves them… with all of her heart. Cooking and cleaning are nothing she says, love is what I want them to know. Sometimes I think they take her for granted, but I can see she loves them, and if I can, I know they can feel it.
I think it’s so neat that God is teaching me new things from people I least expect. I want to one day have a family and my greatest hope is that they know I love them… with all my heart…cooking and cleaning is part of it… but I just want them to feel loved…. And “leshika” their precious little faces!

Oh, Loretta.

Life has been great lately. God has been pouring his blessings upon me in such a way that I'm almost just anticipating the bad is going to come. I'm trying to get that out of my head and delight in my God right now. If the bad comes, I hope to delight in Him then, too.

I've been writing a lot. I've written lots of new songs in the past week, and I almost have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I get so much joy from singing. It's nerve wrecking though. I write about pain, joy, love and im trying to be vulnerable. It's the one thing that can connect us all. Life can be so hard at times, pain can overwhelm. Some days we are walking on a cloud, maybe we are in love, maybe we are adventurers... but we have joy. Love is beauty, intimacy, and sometimes heartaches. But I want to write about it all. Maybe you will like my stuff. That's cool. Maybe you won't. And that's cool too. I'm just going to be true to my story and myself, and hopeully you will relate.

Some people have been wondering what kind of stuff i do... when i sing... I don't mean to, but I have a twang. it's odd. I guess you could say im folk. But i hate labels... Just call me Melanie. :)

I saw bradley hathaway the other day play at swayzes. If you haven't heard him, you need to check him out. He humbled himself after the show and even played a couple songs for us outside of the venue on the cold sidewalk. It was wonderful.

loving this right now... rock and roll and folk... makes me wonder why people don't do old country stuff like this anymore...Oh, Loretta you are like my newest hero.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuC_l3ymXhM