The Wilderness

I like the wilderness. I have known many men that have sought time in the wilderness to find themselves, to ponder the meaning of their seemingly meaningless lives, or to connect with the Lord. But what is it about the wilderness that beckons us in such a way?

Perhaps its the furry little creatures that jump, crawl, swing and explore. Or the wildflowers that bloom out of unexpecting rocks. It could be the smell of pine, the touch of the dirt, and the taste of the wind. Perhaps its the simplicity and intricacy that happen simultaneously.

Perhaps its the stars that reveal themselves more vividly. These glimmers of light that dare us to make lofty wishes upon their names. We close our eyes tightly and like children, we beleive once again in happy endings.

It can be a frightening place, too.

My world has some how transformed into the wilderness. Such beauty has been revealed to me in the past couple of days. But, at the same time, I feel as if I have journeyed into the wilderness alone. My past has crept in and brought me to a place of sadness I haven't felt in a while. I have tried so hard to forget what has happened, and ignore the consequences that have come from it all. But in this wilderness, instead of wishing on fleeting stars, I am find myself relying upon the Lord. I have tasted and seen His goodness through it all... but i'm angry. i'm hurt. Now, I feel so far into the wilderness, that I must press on, instead of turning back for refuge in common things. I am seeking the transformation that will come from this wilderness alone.

Healing will come... but the road is hard. I grow weary.

This season is one that is breaking, molding, equipping, and humbling.

and I say, "amen, come Lord Jesus."

Holding Feet

Have you ever held feet with anyone? I have recently become quite the advocate for feet holding. the way it works is you sit on the floor in front of another person, link your toes (both feet), and hold hands with them simultaneously. I have never been fond of feet... they can be smelly, dirty, hairy, and even rough. PLUS... i am easily tickled. however, feet holding has proven to be quite a joyful experience. It often takes a bit of convincing your partner, but once that is done, you are linked with the person in a way that rarely gets experienced. It's quite intimate, really. If intimacy is defined as experiencing with one other person a piece of yourself, sharing something not commonly divulged, or even connecting with someone in a special way... then i think feet holding is a great way of expressing that.

(sidenote:... my friend reed is a great feet holder... even if he couldn't stop giggling during it all. he's also good at making music, keeping the most incredible journal, and giving nicknames.)

I have been getting bored of normal, lately. My mind often wonders why do we do things that are routine, and yet never step out of the ordinary. These are a few ideas I have had to break out of the ordinary, some of which I have taken into practice, and others I have not... yet:

1. sit in silence with a group of people, and just soak them in.
2. do not use utensils while eating. let all your senses be stimulated
3. instead of driving, or for me, biking, walk for long periods of time
4. eat on the floor inside
5. be honest and genuine at all times
6. smell the pages of a book before i read it every time
7. really study the animals that surround me
8. write more letters, and turn off the electronic devices
9. cook completely without recipes
10. listen intently to the person that stands before you, and do no let my mind wander elsewhere, trying to anticipate a response.


Rid me of the mundane... give me Your mystery and adventure.

So there was this racoon...

Since it is a new season, even to the blog circle. I wanted to make sure I clarify a few things. I will not be posting things about upcoming shows, recordings, etc. because there is a time and place for that, and it isn't now and here. Mostly, I'll write about funny stories, wild animals, unfortunate dates , adventures, and lessons I am learning. I may even throw in a recipe if I feel especially confident about a kitchen creation. You will find honesty here.

Now that that is out of the way... I had quite the interesting day today.

First off, I woke up finding my phone completely utterly useless. I cannot receive or make phone calls. Normally, I am a huge fan of simplifying, but I guess what I am really a big fan of is simplifying what I want on my terms. this entire year I have debated turning off my phone because I find cellphone communication to be simply ridiculous. Most conversations are reduced to a text message and very little actual interaction is needed. Also... let's not forget how lots of people have the tendency to over-analyze text messages.. adding a motive, attitude and suggestiveness to mere responses. AND. Everyone expects you to always have your phone on you and ready to respond to their every communication. Some people are offended when you don' actually respond quick enough. I miss the old days when if someone was unavailable, a message would be recorded on a land line and the message would then be answered at the receivers convenience. All this being said... after one day without a cell phone... I miss it.

Then i went to my plasma donation appointment (more or less a donation when you are getting paid for it).. and after biking there and putting up with a guy's pickup lines, they inform me that the processing center was closed and because of this, I would have to come back next week to complete my donations. Drats.

After, I laid out on a trampoline for a majority of the day and thought of heavenly things like freedom and joy.

When it became a bit too chilly outside, I babysat for a church. (i love the kids I babysit for) They seriously are the cutest things ever. they pick their noses and fight over blocks, and i really love them. Then, I had made an appointment with a friend for a haircut, and he never actually came. At this point, I also realized that I had forgotten my keys in my apartment, leaving me stranded until about 2:30am.

i bike over to my friends' house to use a phone, and we ended up getting some wine, playing games, and listening to music...it was delightful and I am really excited to see these new friendships grow! It also helps that these boys are just great and so fun. no offense to girls, but it seems like I have always enjoyed hanging with the boys better.

It's been quite the unexpectedly good day.

(stayed tuned for the raccoon story...i am to sleepy to add it in right now)

sweet dreams, atlanta, tennesee, denver, sydney, and mexico.

Hate to Admit it...

I have adopted a coy and clever barrier and it has kept me safe for a few years now... but has also kept others at quite a distance. Never would I want to believe that my precautions had reprocussions within the circles of my friends. But indeed they did.

I want to be genuine.

I want to trust others.

I want to let others know me.

The truth is...

I have been hurt.

I have been abandoned.

I have never been able to really let someone in... since the accident, since he walked away, since he hurt her, since felt I needed to hold it all together for everyone.

The Lord proves faithful, but it is His people that constantly let me down. Though I commune with Him, I miss out on his creation. I am really tired of it all. So this is me being genuine, I am a mess, I want to learn to trust again. Please be patient with me.

Also: Today I sat under a large tree and mister ant crawled on my foot. He didn't bite me, he just crawled there. When I was little I used to pull ants apart.. one leg at a time. Hate to admit it, but it's true. Now... I know better...that even ants are the handiwork of an ever present God. I hope this is true because tomorrow I am going to my first "support group" for something i don't feel like writing about... and to be honest.. it seems like a really big ant right now.

Detours

I created a list. I want this summer to be different in that I actually accomplish what I set out to do, so I made a list. One goal is to keep up with this blog. Whenever I don't keep up with journals and such, I always feel the need to summarize the time that I wasn't making entries, to catch everyone up to speed. Well, I don't want to do that now. So, I'm, starting instead, with the current.

Today, I rode my bicycle to my babysitting job, when in fact I do not work until tomorrow. The assistant working at the church, who was grey, wrinkled and precious told me that it wasn't actually Thursday, even though I thought it was up until that point. Part of me still thinks it may be a conspiracy. {Sidenote- I really love wrinkles. When I was little, I would sit on my Grandma's lap and trace her wrinkles on her hand. She was beautiful and the wrinkles added to her charm.} After that, I visited some friends and rode uphill for the remainder of my trip. There was lots of construction that made my trek even longer than normal. And I was not pleased about it. Then I got the mother of all migraines. It was miserable.

The day definitely didn't go as I planned, and normally I would just be fine with only complaining.. but I must be getting older and wiser because it doesn't seem fair to not count the blessings, too.

I get so much joy from riding my bicycle, and since there was so much construction today, I was forced to go on an unlikely path. There were an extreme amont of wildflowers blooming along this new route, and I saw the most wonderful bird. I really like learning about nature and animals, so when I got home I tried to look up the description of the bird, but I couldn't find a match. What a mysterious thing to behold. My friends have been so great, too. Juli and I are nearly done with painting my room! I picked a mustard color, but she thinks its more similar to marigold. I refuse to call it marigold because I think it sounds elitist for some reason. In any case, it's beautiful and will definitely be a great solace for me. Music has been lovely, too. I 'm playing at my friend Eleny's house on Friday alongside some of my favorite local bands and I am so excited! I just wouldn't have expected this a few months back.

Ultimately, I've learned this today: Life doesn't always look like you think it should, but the detours can prove to be a blessing, if you let yourself appreciate them.

Create in me a gracious heart.

-melanie annabelle

theory of love.

friends,

you may know that this semester i have been consumed with research for my thesis about love. with curiosity, i approached this subject, eager to learn any and everything i could about love. i did this so that i would be more empowered to love others that are placed on my path on my journey through life. i researched many books and studied many theories. i also interviewed over forty-five individuals, ages ranging young to old, christians, atheists, married couples, students, poets, singers and songwriters. i am forever thankful for them, and some of you, sharing a bit of their hearts with me, and i will cherish those encounters.

these interviews opened up an incredible dialogue on the intangible idea of love, and i hope that i can create a platform for individuals to express these ideas. certain opportunities have now risen for that to become even more possible, and i am excited about the possibility.

below is a link to a short video i made that reflects some of the expressions i have come across. if you were interviewed and did not make it on the video, i may be using your interview for something else that will be quite compelling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKEHTPxvfDU

if you haven't been interviewed, and would like to, please let me know. i really enjoy learning more about others and more about love, too. it would be quite swell to ellaborate even further on some of these ideas i have fashioned.

thank you for your constant support with me. enjoy the video. and i will keep you updated on further developments on this project.

yours,
melanie ann

mere melodies.

Ladies and Gents,

Been a long time coming, but I recently recorded my first song for my album Huckleberry Lullaby. The song is entitle Hidden Heart, and I hope it tickles your eardrums in a most delightful way. You can find it on http://www.myspace.com/melanieannabelle . I have been writing songs for the past couple of years, and well, I'd like to share some with you. I have never felt fully comfortable with promoting myself, or my music... so I am just going to look at this an opportunity to get to know eachother a bit better. Most things that I can't articulate eloquently, I write songs about. I write of love, pain, triumph, joy, and my experience. Perhaps you too, have experienced something similar, and a greater understanding between us will grow. Someone wise once said to 'know' a person is to love a person, and my cheif aim is to love.

With that being said...

http://www.myspace.com/melanieannabelle

If you like what you hear, that's wonderful. If you don't thats wonderful, too. I create music not to get approval, but instead... to grasp the intangibles.

Yours,
melanie ann