Broken and Lovely

Been thinking about this thing we call brokenness lately. I've heard that if I bring all my stuff, all my bad habits, all my sin, the ugliest things going on in my life and lay them at the feet of my savior ... all is forgiven. Everything made new. My slate is wiped clean and I am transformed and restored because of grace.

What they don't tell you in Sunday school is that broken feeling that leads you to your knees at his feet, doesn't just leave. I became a christian my junior year in higschool. I am still broken by some of decisions I made before I surrendered my life to my Father. You might say, "But, you aren't who you were anymore." I don't agree. I am. I am filthy, unclean and undeserving of the mercy my Abba pours out over me. I never want to forget how incredibly loving Jesus is, for in my wrongs and shortcomings, he still loved me, and loves me still today..no less, no more.


The blessing of brokenness is undeniable. It was the brokenness of the the sinful woman that allowed her to pour her perfume out on Jesus' feet and bathe them with her tears and hair. It is brokenness that reminds me the destructiveness of my sin. It is brokenness that allows me to cry out and recognize, not by my strength... but His. Brokenness allows me to never develop a prideful heart when speaking with others... I am not better than anyone else, no matter race, creed, circumstance, or their shortcomings. And most importantly it is Jesus' body BROKEN before us that allows me to live in Him.

The incredible things about it all is in our brokeness, god still thinks we are lovely in His sight.

No matter what you've done.

No matter what you continue to do.

No matter who you have hurt.

No matter the promises you broke.

No matter the lies you have told.

No matter how filthy you feel.

You are simply lovely in his sight. One of the best pictures I have seen about this concept of brokenness, is in this song called "Your Heart is Broken" by Bradley Hathaway. Have a listen. And yep, that's me on the right of him. The song has quickly become an anthem for me and a few people I know.

glad i didn't die before i met you

can't sleep, but also cannot think in complete thoughts...so here goes.

mewithoutyou was incredible on tuesday.

made a couple new friends downtown named David and Sirdaddy.:)

learned its a really great idea to carry peanut butter and jelly in my pack with a loaf of broad. you know, just in case.

house church has been wonderful, and im loving my d-group.

thinking of selling my car and saving for a tour van.(my mom does not think this is a good idea)

can't beleive im moving to colorado in like two months.

if you are having a bad day, watch this... actually just watch this anyway. it was my jam freshman year, and still makes me smile :o)

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you

I want to learn how to knit. So that when you get cold I can knit you a new pair of socks and a beautiful scarf. I want to learn how to bake a pie from scratch. So that every holiday, I can bring you my special dessert. I want to know where the prettiest flowers bloom. So I can put a bouquet together for you. I wish I knew of all your dreams. So I can encourage you along the way. I wish for you.

"Do not arouse or awaken lov until it so desires" - Song of solomon.

fight for me.

Here and Now

I am what you might call one that hopes. I hope for world peace, for releasing of those in the sex trade, and the empowerment of those whose home is on the streets. Single mothers, and men struggling with addictions... I hope for them to overcome. I hope for those in poverty, and those stricken with sickness. I hope for the beaten down and abused, the mistreated, the defeated. I hope for the lonely and the unsatisfied.



I am just one woman. I know that I cannot make all things right or make sense. I have tried with zeal to bring justice to a handful of causes. I have failed over and over.

I moved to Atlanta with the big idea of stopping child sex-traficking here. Moved to Portland to love on the homeless youth that fill the streets.



Humbly, I say this... It's not about the good I have done or the causes I have fought for- or an ambiguous idea I have for the world and the people in it I haven't met. I have realized that it's about loving in my immediate sphere of influence. It's about looking at my father, who has let me down time and time again, and saying I love you, I forgive you. It's about respecting my step-father's Jewish beliefs even though we don't always see eye to eye. Its about listening, really listening to my friends. It's about all those people that dismiss and walk by so easily everday, while I proudly sport my Toms shoes for a child I have never met.

i want to love, not just the people I don't know, but the ones I do. The ones that I know all the crap they have done, all their dreams, and all their talents...here and now.

really, it just ain't about me.

Amigas

I am going to miss my friends. Haylie is off to Australia, Logan off to Estonia... me off to Colorado.

I'll hold on to these memories till we meet again.














Lo, Hays... One of these pictures is the worst picure taken of the three of us EVER. Try and pick it out. :)

When I grow up

so.. i sold my first painting today. it's so weird. but i thought i would write it on this thing because it seems like some sort of milestone. Not cause of the money received, but that someone connected with something that I created so much that they want it to hang in their home.


I feel like I put a little peice of myself in each one of my paintings and songs. So it's neat to know that someone out there feels the same way... just "gets" what I am feeling. This world is small, and I think we are way more connected than we think we are.

I' working on my next painting and hopefuly someone else will connect with it in someway... if not, i still think its important to put it out there.

I also decided today that I don't think I could ever work a 9-5 job. I have to have some sort of creativity in my life, some form of art, be it painting, music, or prose. It just makes me come alive.

I'd rather be a starving artist, than a full conformist.

and.. ill end with this random fact. I love climbing trees. Ever since I was a little girl I would hide up in the tree in my front yard and sit for hours. I was devestated they had to cut it down. anyways... I'vebeen thinking about where I want to live when I have a home for myself... thought about a farm like my grandpa's, or a cabin in the mountains.. but have decided I want a treehouse.

Comfortable

It's official. I have hit an awkward stage. Nope, I didn't get braces, my voice does not squeak, and my skin is not covered in pimples. This is much worse: I'm completely comfortable being me, without the bangs and whistles.Let me explain...

When I was in highschool, things were different. I was loud, outgoing, and friendly. I guess I had moved around so much that I wanted people to know what I was about within the first five minutes of knowing me. I dated around quite a bit. Went to dances... your typical high school experience, I guess. I don't really know when things began to change for me.Maybe during my internship, maybe while in college, maybe the move back home. I really don't know.

So now, I'm awkward. In group settings, I barely speak. Not because I don't have an opinion. But because I know Johnny or Mary wants the floor at that time, and it means more to him and her than to me. So I sit back, listen, and with quiet, gentle words respond... if prompted, of course. It's really hard because in the South, or maybe it's Atlanta, people make their minds up about people so quickly. Not many people invest, or invest in others because they have made their mind up about that person already. It's really sad because everyone has a story. This incredible story with joy, pain, conflict, victory, and failure. But not many people get to experience or delight in that because they decided that he or she must not be worth their time because they aren't the wittiest, have the best twitter updates, drink soy lattes, or dress so trendy. Well, I guess I just realized I'd rather be kind than witty. I'd rather drink my isreali tea than coffee. I'd rather spend time in the moment than updating you about my moments. I'd rather shop thrift than designer. Everyone's different. I understand, this is just me. I don't want to offend anyone, that's not my intention this is about discovering myself... and realizing I'd rather be me than a counterfeit copy of someone else. Even if being me means not getting to hang out with all the right people, or saying all the right things.At least I will be true to myself in the process.

It does stink sometimes. I'm a really perceptive person, and I can tell when you are not interested in me or what I have to say. I know when you only come up to me because you're standing alone and you want to feel comfortable. I can see when you look past my shoulder to see if someone else cooler just walked in the room. I get it.


And with the whole dating thing...I've been told I'm too picky. Or that I need to "put myself out there" more. But honestly, I'm waiting for someone to TRULY pursue me, and PROTECT my heart.

*proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.


*proverbs 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter,
But the glory of kings is to search out a matter

On that note, I am sorry I do not swoon because you make a funny joke, can play an instrument, and are charming. I don't need a man on my side to make me feel secure. I know my heart is a treasure, as is yours, and I'm protecting it for the man it belongs to. I'm just not easily amused... but that doesn't mean we can't be friends, right? ha.

I like who I am. AWKWARD. GENTLE. PROTECTIVE OF MY HEART. a bit SHY. BUT COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN.