When I was in highschool, things were different. I was loud, outgoing, and friendly. I guess I had moved around so much that I wanted people to know what I was about within the first five minutes of knowing me. I dated around quite a bit. Went to dances... your typical high school experience, I guess. I don't really know when things began to change for me.Maybe during my internship, maybe while in college, maybe the move back home. I really don't know.
So now, I'm awkward. In group settings, I barely speak. Not because I don't have an opinion. But because I know Johnny or Mary wants the floor at that time, and it means more to him and her than to me. So I sit back, listen, and with quiet, gentle words respond... if prompted, of course. It's really hard because in the South, or maybe it's Atlanta, people make their minds up about people so quickly. Not many people invest, or invest in others because they have made their mind up about that person already. It's really sad because everyone has a story. This incredible story with joy, pain, conflict, victory, and failure. But not many people get to experience or delight in that because they decided that he or she must not be worth their time because they aren't the wittiest, have the best twitter updates, drink soy lattes, or dress so trendy. Well, I guess I just realized I'd rather be kind than witty. I'd rather drink my isreali tea than coffee. I'd rather spend time in the moment than updating you about my moments. I'd rather shop thrift than designer. Everyone's different. I understand, this is just me. I don't want to offend anyone, that's not my intention this is about discovering myself... and realizing I'd rather be me than a counterfeit copy of someone else. Even if being me means not getting to hang out with all the right people, or saying all the right things.At least I will be true to myself in the process.
It does stink sometimes. I'm a really perceptive person, and I can tell when you are not interested in me or what I have to say. I know when you only come up to me because you're standing alone and you want to feel comfortable. I can see when you look past my shoulder to see if someone else cooler just walked in the room. I get it.
And with the whole dating thing...I've been told I'm too picky. Or that I need to "put myself out there" more. But honestly, I'm waiting for someone to TRULY pursue me, and PROTECT my heart.
*proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
*proverbs 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter,
But the glory of kings is to search out a matter
On that note, I am sorry I do not swoon because you make a funny joke, can play an instrument, and are charming. I don't need a man on my side to make me feel secure. I know my heart is a treasure, as is yours, and I'm protecting it for the man it belongs to. I'm just not easily amused... but that doesn't mean we can't be friends, right? ha.
I like who I am. AWKWARD. GENTLE. PROTECTIVE OF MY HEART. a bit SHY. BUT COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN.
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