Burdens

So something happened this week but I know going into any detail via this blog would take away how much this thing meant to me, my family, and especially my beautiful mom. My family has learned a lot from the "thing" that took place. I will tell you that life is precious, never take a second for granted. Love your family and don't let the small stuff keep you from eachother. and when they need you, which one day they will no matter how bad they won't want to admit it, be there for them.
I'm bout to get all vulnerable on this thing... crazy how i feel comfortable sharing my feelings on this thing that anyone coud read. (not that anyone really takes the time to read mine other than ruth or logan. :) but eventhough I have learned quite a bit, I wish I could understand why this happened. I wish I knew why He let this happen. I wish He could just hold me. I wish I could know what to say when my mom asks what You are up to anyway. I wish the pain in my heavy heart would stop.

I know I am not alone in this. Everyone carries a burden. I thought about this while I was waiting in the hospital for my mom to get done with surgery. In the waiting room, I sat holding my precious baby brother Daniel. This doctor walked out, still in his surgery scrubs. He bolted towards this woman that was sitting alone behind me. His eyes were fully of worry and his mannerisms seemed tense. He said in a loud voice...
" We did the best we could do, but it spread into her bood vessels and it's not looking good at all. This is bad really bad. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. It just doesn't look good. there is nothing we can do. I am sorry."
My heart sank. I began to cry. I dropped my head trying to hide the tears as best I could so that she wouldn't see that I heard. I made eye contact with my sister, and she too wept. One of the attendants bolted over to the woman and gave her tissues, and comforted her as best she could. I didn't know what to do. I sat heavy-hearted in my seat and wondered how many times people got bad news in that hospital. I wondered who was this person to the woman. Then I just cried a bit more.
In scipture, He teaches that we as His followers are supposed to carry eachother's burdens. With this hidden in my heart, I knew what I was supposed to do. I prayed to receive it from her. everything... all of it. I beleive that I did.
Since that day, when I've seen a person looking down or worried, I've been asking to receive it from them, too. It hasn't made life easier. But has definitely made me more aware of the hurting, and the possibility of restoration and healing. I think we as daughters and sons are called to be compassionate and loving with people we meet along the way. My heart literally broke for this woman. I've never seen her in my life.


If you would have asked me what compassion was 4 years ago, I might be able to tell you. If you ask me now, I might be able to show you.crazy how my heart has changed, and keeps changing.


For anyone hurting:

You are precious. he has not forgotten or abandoned you. He is not punishing you, even though it might feel like it. I will hope alongside you in the struggle. it's okay to be broken. but above all...i am here for you. I don't have all the answers, there is a reason I hope, and His name is love. but right now, let me carry your burden and I will cast it at His feet. I pray for joy and peace to overflow on your wearied heart. I pray you will find rest.